relived that moment in my head over and over but still I don't have the words.
From that moment I became completely numb to everything. I didn't want to talk to anyone, not even Thomas. My grandparents decided to move us to Atlanta to live with them. Troya put up a fight but I agreed, all I wanted was to get as far away from any reminder of my pain. Eric hadn't called me or made any attempt to contact me about what had happened. I don't know what it was but I felt like I needed to see him before I left.
I waited at his house for hours until he finally came home that night. He told me he was sorry and ashamed that he hadn't gone to see me and I told him I forgave him. The next few hours are a blur to recall. I was in Eric's bedroom, we were kissing, next thing I knew we had just had sex, Eric had taken my virginity and we were confessing our love for one another. I had never had sex with Thomas because I wanted to save myself, but that night I let Eric take my virginity without reservations.
I could put it down to grief but even I know there was more to it than that. I loved Thomas with everything in me but then I also loved Eric, I loved them both but I knew I couldn't. So when I left Chicago, I left them behind. Thomas made many attempts to contact me in the first year after I left, I didn't have the guts to face him so I never replied. As for Eric, I never heard from him again, I sometimes wonder if that night ever happened but all it takes is a single flashback for me to recall the longing I felt deep in my belly as we made love for the first time.
"Vodka soda," I told the hostess as she came by with the drinks cart. I smiled and thanked her as I took the small plastic cup and took a long sip.
I was going through a sort of quarter life crisis right now, my past problems aside. My long term boyfriend and coworker, Jamal had proposed to me a month ago and I had realised there and then that I didn't want that life. I said no which subsequently broke his heart and drove me to quite my position at the law firm. I wanted change in my life but I didn't know where to begin, I didn't want to marry the safe choice and work a boring office job. I wasn't sure what it was exactly I was looking for but I knew I needed excitement and passion, none of that I was getting before.
I really had no excuses to blow off spending a couple of months in Chicago with Troya, apart from the obvious. But even I knew that I had to face my fears, I wanted to change and I knew the only way to do that was to dive head first into things. Just as long as I never had to see Eric or Thomas again, I had no idea if they were even still in Chicago but I seriously hoped they weren't.
The plane finally touched down and I made my way through arrivals to find Troya and her husband Ramone waiting for me. I ran to her ditching my bags on the linoleum floor and wrapping my arms around her big swollen belly.
"Hey little sister!" Troya said holding me close, "I've missed you."
"I know, me too," I told her, "you look amazing by the way, eight months pregnant? That's insane!"
"Amazing? More like a fat whale, but yes being pregnant is the greatest thing in the world, I get to eat as much as I want without people judging me or at least judging me in secret," she said laughing.
"I can't wait to meet the little guy," I said grinning.
As soon as I saw Troya my fears melted away. I hadn't seen her since Christmas and I hadn't realised how much I'd missed my big sister until this moment. Ramone walked up to us carrying my bags.
"Oops, sorry Ramone!" I said hugging him.
"Good to see you Kiara, I know Troya is going to love having you here," he said, "shall we get going then?"
Troya and I walked behind him, our arms linked as we caught up. Troya and I didn't look very similar in our physique, she was almost six foot tall and naturally slim that even at eight months pregnant she looked like a supermodel. On the other hand I was only five foot six