Board Stiff (Xanth) by Piers Anthony Read Free Book Online

the Event, and can’t escape it until it runs its course. That can be extremely inconvenient, even life-threatening. So this is not a dress to be trifled with. I will exchange it for a safer one.”
    But Astrid hugged the dress. “This is the one I want.”
    “I think she has decided,” Kandy said. “She deserves to wear what makes her comfortable.”
    MareAnn glared at her. “But--”
    “I speak as her friend,” Kandy said.
    And MareAnn had asked her to be the friend that Astrid needed. She could not argue this case. She folded, or rather unfolded the dress. “Just be careful. Very careful.”
    “I will,” Astrid promised raptly as she donned the dress. Kandy had to admit that she looked exquisite in it; it fit her perfectly. Then she donned slippers and was complete.
    “So be it,” MareAnn said grimly. “It is time for us to go. Ease is about to wake.”
    “Wake?” Astrid asked.
    “I become a board,” Kandy explained. “I can see and hear and send my thoughts, but I can’t move or speak on my own.”
    “Oh, you’re enchanted too!” Astrid came to hug her, briefly. “You truly understand. Thank you for being my friend.”
    “You’re welcome,” Kandy said, discovering that she meant it. Astrid was a nice girl despite her origin. Despite her perfume, that made Kandy feel dizzy.
    Then Ease woke. Kandy was a board again.
    “Oh!” Astrid said, taken aback. Fortunately the man was not facing her, and did not see her.
    I’M STILL HERE, Kandy projected.
    “Still here,” Astrid agreed.
    Ease rolled over and went back to sleep. Kandy reverted to woman form. “He doesn’t know,” she said. “And I think it best not to tell him. He must find out for himself. That seems to be that nature of the enchantment.”
    “Yes, enchantments must be honored,” Astrid agreed. “I will delay telling him my nature, too, when we meet tomorrow.”
    Then MareAnn ushered her out of the room and Kandy was alone.
    Now it occurred to her that the real challenge of the Good Magician’s Castle had not been Ease’s struggling his way into it, but hers: to sincerely befriend the least lovable of creatures, a basilisk. Amazingly, she was doing it.

Chapter 3:
    Event
    Kandy spent the remainder of the night pondering her situation. Now not only was she a stiff board by day and a frustrated ghost by night, she had to be friends with a converted basilisk. But she had to admit it was adventure of a sort. Meanwhile, there was a certain satisfaction in being able to hug and kiss Ease without him trying to take over the relationship. If all men behaved that well she wouldn’t have had any problem. He was handsome and naive, which were commendable qualities in a man, and she did like him. But she had to admit that the nights did get dull. Maybe a man’s ideal woman was a tacit zombie, letting him do anything he wanted, but a woman’s ideal man did have some initiative.
    Initiative. Maybe she could at least simulate that. She took his hand and moved it to her bottom, stroking it. She felt his fingers quiver; on some level they knew what they were touching.
    “Stop that,” she murmured, while continuing the motion. “Stop it or I’ll kiss you, you naughty man.” When his hand didn’t stop, she did kiss him. He reacted to that too, but not enough to wake. She could not afford to overdo it, lest he find himself stroking a board. But it was fun in its fashion.
    In the morning Ease woke. Kandy promptly tuned out, not interested in overseeing his routine natural functions. But she overslept, because when she woke Ease was just entering the Good Magician’s dark cramped den. Well, Ease evidently hadn’t needed her; Wira or MareAnn must have guided him. That faintly annoyed her, ironically; she preferred to be in charge, even if she got no credit for it.
    Good Magician Humfrey was a gnomish little man who looked to be a hundred years old, by no coincidence. He peered up from his giant open tome. “Who are you?”
    Ease was taken