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Becker or any part of him . . . that way. He’s simply a new friend, and he just so happens to be Bernice’s cardiologist.”
    â€œWho just so happens to have a pecker. I see how your face lights up when his name is mentioned. I’ve also observed the two of you together. He’s got the hots for you, too. Big-time, Tootsie,” Sophie added.
    â€œSophie has men and sex on the brain,” Ida interjected. “She needs to take her relationship with Goebel to the next level. It’s been long enough.”
    â€œWhy, you old rip! Just because you bop every man you meet on the first date does not mean I’m going to follow in your trampish footsteps. You have no clue what goes on between me and Goebel. Like you said, my personal affairs are not your concern.”
    Mavis had remained silent for too long. She clapped her hands together in order to get their attention. “Ladies, please! We have wasted the entire morning on idle chitchat. Do I need to remind you that we are not in seventh grade anymore?” Coco growled in agreement with her mistress.
    â€œOur bones, to my utmost regret, are quite aware of our age. At least mine are,” Toots replied as she headed toward the staircase. “Bernice, unless you want to ride a Lark to the hospital, I suggest you get your wrinkled butt in gear.”
    â€œWhat the hell is a Lark?” Bernice asked of no one in particular.
    Showing her amusement, Sophie replied, “The last I heard, it was a damned songbird. Toots, are you expecting poor old Bernice here to ride a frigging bird to the hospital?” Sophie could barely contain her laughter.
    Toots paused on the staircase and turned around to face Sophie. “Remind me why we’re friends again. Please.”
    â€œBecause you love my sense of humor and my great beauty?”
    Toots rolled her eyes, her lips upturned in a grin. “How could I forget? And for the record, the Lark that I am referring to is a motorized chair.”
    â€œHey, I resent that! I am not that old, Miss Smart Mouth,” Bernice said. “I’ve seen those commercials. No way will you ever catch me buzzing around doing laundry in a wheelchair with an engine.”
    â€œI was teasing, Bernice. You should know me better than that. By the time you’re finished with your physical therapy, you’ll be able to run a marathon.”
    â€œI guess I should thank you for the vote of confidence, but I am not exactly planning to run any marathons. I just want to be healthy enough to observe Mrs. Patterson’s place, and if I’m needed over there”—she directed her gaze to the property next door—“then I want to be able to do what it is I was sent back to do in the first place.”
    Toots gave a slight nod. “Whatever your motivation is, Bernice, I suggest you find it soon, or as I explained before, you will be arriving at the hospital by another means. Bird, bus, taxi, or me. The choice is all yours.”
    Continuing in the vein of the morning’s giddiness, Bernice threw both her hands high in the air, then slowly positioned her fingers until both middle fingers, gnarled with arthritis, stood out from the others and prominently displayed a double single-digit salute.

Chapter 5
    â€œI think you have too much perfume on. It’s making my eyes water,” Bernice said. “I don’t know why you bother getting all gussied up just to watch me sweat bullets.”
    Toots steered the Range Rover into the handicapped parking space. Bernice insisted on using the permit she’d been issued even though there was no way in hell Toots would allow her to drive herself to the hospital. But if it made her happy, then Toots was all for it.
    â€œI like watching you sweat. It makes me smile.”
    â€œBull. You like watching my doctor examine me.”
    â€œOh, stop it! I don’t know what’s come over you and Sophie, but you’d better keep it to