Becker or any part of him . . . that way. Heâs simply a new friend, and he just so happens to be Berniceâs cardiologist.â
âWho just so happens to have a pecker. I see how your face lights up when his name is mentioned. Iâve also observed the two of you together. Heâs got the hots for you, too. Big-time, Tootsie,â Sophie added.
âSophie has men and sex on the brain,â Ida interjected. âShe needs to take her relationship with Goebel to the next level. Itâs been long enough.â
âWhy, you old rip! Just because you bop every man you meet on the first date does not mean Iâm going to follow in your trampish footsteps. You have no clue what goes on between me and Goebel. Like you said, my personal affairs are not your concern.â
Mavis had remained silent for too long. She clapped her hands together in order to get their attention. âLadies, please! We have wasted the entire morning on idle chitchat. Do I need to remind you that we are not in seventh grade anymore?â Coco growled in agreement with her mistress.
âOur bones, to my utmost regret, are quite aware of our age. At least mine are,â Toots replied as she headed toward the staircase. âBernice, unless you want to ride a Lark to the hospital, I suggest you get your wrinkled butt in gear.â
âWhat the hell is a Lark?â Bernice asked of no one in particular.
Showing her amusement, Sophie replied, âThe last I heard, it was a damned songbird. Toots, are you expecting poor old Bernice here to ride a frigging bird to the hospital?â Sophie could barely contain her laughter.
Toots paused on the staircase and turned around to face Sophie. âRemind me why weâre friends again. Please.â
âBecause you love my sense of humor and my great beauty?â
Toots rolled her eyes, her lips upturned in a grin. âHow could I forget? And for the record, the Lark that I am referring to is a motorized chair.â
âHey, I resent that! I am not that old, Miss Smart Mouth,â Bernice said. âIâve seen those commercials. No way will you ever catch me buzzing around doing laundry in a wheelchair with an engine.â
âI was teasing, Bernice. You should know me better than that. By the time youâre finished with your physical therapy, youâll be able to run a marathon.â
âI guess I should thank you for the vote of confidence, but I am not exactly planning to run any marathons. I just want to be healthy enough to observe Mrs. Pattersonâs place, and if Iâm needed over thereââshe directed her gaze to the property next doorââthen I want to be able to do what it is I was sent back to do in the first place.â
Toots gave a slight nod. âWhatever your motivation is, Bernice, I suggest you find it soon, or as I explained before, you will be arriving at the hospital by another means. Bird, bus, taxi, or me. The choice is all yours.â
Continuing in the vein of the morningâs giddiness, Bernice threw both her hands high in the air, then slowly positioned her fingers until both middle fingers, gnarled with arthritis, stood out from the others and prominently displayed a double single-digit salute.
Chapter 5
âI think you have too much perfume on. Itâs making my eyes water,â Bernice said. âI donât know why you bother getting all gussied up just to watch me sweat bullets.â
Toots steered the Range Rover into the handicapped parking space. Bernice insisted on using the permit sheâd been issued even though there was no way in hell Toots would allow her to drive herself to the hospital. But if it made her happy, then Toots was all for it.
âI like watching you sweat. It makes me smile.â
âBull. You like watching my doctor examine me.â
âOh, stop it! I donât know whatâs come over you and Sophie, but youâd better keep it to
John Freely, Hilary Sumner-Boyd