Brenda Monk Is Funny by Katy Brand Read Free Book Online Page A

time she had reached the base and was making her way back past the Parliament building, past the soulless new flats and the depressing council estate, she was nervous. There was no text or call from Jonathan, but that wasn’t unusual. He may still be at lunch, he may have bumped into someone he was interested in and forgotten their plan to spend the afternoon together, he may be assuming she would turn up whenever she was ready, or he may be punishing her for the Fenella Lawrence gaffe she had made that morning. That was the thing about Jonathan, his change up was so fast and unpredictable it was impossible to adequately foresee what would happen next. Which of course was part of the thrill. Brenda didn’t want to take any chances though. Jonathan was quite capable of abandoning her entirely if he felt so inclined and although she could entertain herself, she felt bleak at the prospect of a whole night in Jonathan’s Kingdom with no Jonathan by her side.
    She hailed a passing taxi and arrived back at the flat less than ten minutes later. She rang the buzzer, and the door wordlessly snapped open. Climbing the concrete stairs, she found the flat door ajar and walked through.
    Lloyd stuck his head round the kitchen door.
    ‘Oh, I thought you were Jonathan.’
    ‘Easy mistake to make. Is he not here?’
    ‘He was. He said he was just popping out for a minute. I don’t know where he went. If he’s not back in twenty minutes, I’ll have to just see him at the venue. I’ve got a show to see at 5.’
    Brenda nodded.
    ‘Are you coming along tonight?’
    Brenda hesitated, but one of those mountain batteries was enough to provide her with enough will to stick to her instincts.
    ‘Actually, I thought I’d see Fenella Lawrence. We bumped into her last night and she said she’d put my name on the door if I wanted to come.’
    Lloyd nodded slowly, scrolling through his phone, processing this information.
    ‘Do you have a number for her? I don’t know how to let her know I want to come tonight.’
    ‘Of course. Easily done.’
    And to prove his point, Lloyd tapped out a quick text. Brenda put the kettle under the tap, and by the time it had filled, Lloyd’s phone had buzzed its answer.
    ‘Done,’ said Lloyd, pleased with his influence.
    Brenda smiled, and flicked the switch on the kettle.
    ‘Tea?’
    ‘Oh, no – I really should go. Tell Jonathan I’ll see him later, if he ever comes back…’
    Lloyd busied off in the direction of his bedroom and called ‘Bye’ before pulling the front door shut behind him.
    The flat was quiet. The huge sash windows in the kitchen created the kind of natural, light filled space that could gladden the darkest of hearts. Brenda made herself a cup of tea and sat down to think. She noted that she didn’t care as much as she thought she would that Jonathan had mysteriously gone out. Usually this kind of behaviour was the fastest route to nuts for Brenda, and often resulted in an unexpectedly violent row when he returned. But Brenda found she was enjoying this moment to herself. She felt quietly powerful and now that the Fenella Lawrence tickets had been sorted and she had a plan of her own the panic at the prospect of an evening without Jonathan was receding. Maybe it wasn’t quite Jonathan’s Kingdom after all, and she didn’t have to be anyone’s subject.
    The door slammed a second time, and Jonathan was before her.
    ‘What happened to you?’
    ‘I climbed Arthur’s Seat.’
    Jonathan was momentarily surprised.
    ‘I didn’t think anyone ever actually did that.’
    ‘Well, they should. The view’s amazing.’
    Jonathan nodded.
    ‘Tea?’
    ‘Nah, I’m OK thanks. Listen, Bren, I think I’m just going to sleep this afternoon. Are you still going to Fenella’s show?’
    Brenda nodded.
    ‘Lloyd’s arranged me tickets. He said he’d see you at the venue.’ ‘You alright, then?’
    Brenda nodded again.
    ‘OK, good.’
    ‘I’ll probably head out while you’re asleep so