Bumageddon: The Final Pongflict by Andy Griffiths Read Free Book Online

have to do whatever it takes. Go wherever we need to go. This is the most important bum hunt in history! If we can catch this bum, there won’t be any need for anyone to catch a bum ever again. Without the Great White Bum inciting bums to rebellion, bums across theunivarse will be able to work with their bodies instead of against them.’
    â€˜But I work with you,’ said Zack’s bum.
    â€˜ Now you do,’ said Zack. ‘But it hasn’t always been that way, has it?’
    Before Zack’s bum could reply, Robobum suddenly turned steeply.
    â€˜Changing course,’ said Robobum.
    â€˜Ouch!’ said Zack as he lost his grip on the navigator and fell face first against the bumcam screens. The other bum-fighters fell right on top of him, powerless to resist the intense B-forces unleashed by the dive. Zack could see that the tiny white bum was now heading back towards the ground. But not for long.
    Zack was close to blacking out when Robobum changed course again. This time the bum-fighters fell hard against the back wall.
    Then Robobum changed course again.
    And again.
    And yet again.
    The bum-fighters were being thrown around like dirty socks in a washing machine.
    Zack felt his head smash against something hard.
    There was a huge crash.
    And then silence.

CHAPTER 25
65,000,000 BC
    â€˜O UCH!’ said Robobum. ‘That hurt!’
    Inside Robobum, her hapless occupants lay on the floor and blinked stupidly at one another.
    They tried to remember who they were.
    They tried to remember where they were.
    They tried to remember why they were where they were.
    Zack’s bum was the first to fully reorient itself.
    â€˜Zack!’ it said, jumping onto his lap. ‘Wake up!’
    Zack looked at his bum dumbly.
    â€˜Pleased to meet you,’ he said, extending his hand. ‘My name is Zack.’
    â€˜I know who you are!’ said his bum, slapping Zack’s hand away. ‘It’s me—your bum—remember?’
    Zack tried to focus on the small pink excitable bum in front of him. It looked familiar, but he was having a lot of trouble remembering why.
    â€˜You look like somebody I know . . .’ said Zack.
    â€˜Maybe this will jog your memory,’ said his bum, huffing in Zack’s face.
    The obnoxious odour sent Zack into a doubled-over coughing fit, but when he’d come to, he remembered exactly who he was. And exactly who it was.
    â€˜Why, you . . .’ he said to his bum, reaching out to strangle it.
    â€˜Steady, Zack,’ it said, jumping out of the way. ‘You were delirious. I had to do it. I’m sorry.’
    â€˜Not as sorry as I am,’ said Zack, stifling another coughing fit. Beside him, Eleanor and Ned were coughing and returning to their senses as well.
    Zack rose to his feet—a little dizzy from both the bad air and the blow to his head. He staggered to the bumcam screens.
    He could see that they were in a lush bumnut-tree forest. The bumnut trees were enormous—taller than any he had ever seen—their thick brown fronds blocking out the sky.
    â€˜I don’t believe it,’ said Ned from behind him. ‘I don’t believe it!’
    â€˜What?’ said Zack.
    Ned was bent over the temporal navigator. ‘I don’t know how this has happened, but the temporal navigator indicates that we are deep in the heart of the late Cretaceous period.’
    â€˜What does that mean?’ said Zack’s bum.
    â€˜It’s 65 million years BC,’ said Ned, still shaking his head in wonder.
    â€˜You mean we just travelled through time?’ said Eleanor. ‘Forwards?’
    â€˜It would seem so,’ said Ned, scratching his beard. ‘It appears that we’re exactly where we need to be.’
    â€˜Thanks, Ned!’ said Eleanor. ‘You’re a genius!’
    â€˜I didn’t do anything,’ said Ned. ‘Thank Robobum!’
    â€˜Thanks, Robobum,’ said