Carter by R.J. Lewis Read Free Book Online

him a little for that.
    “I don’t want to kiss you,” I lied to him. “You were just kissing another girl.”
    “I washed my mouth and brushed my teeth.”
    “That doesn’t mean anything.”
    He nodded confidently. “Yes, it does.”
    He was right. I hated him a little more.
    “I’ll make it good,” he promised. “And it’ll stay between friends. Just friends. It won’t ruin anything or hurt anyone. Right?”
    I nodded slightly. I was such a liar. Not only to him, but to myself. I was willing to have him any way I could get him. I should have known this was going to open the door to something painful. As if I wasn’t pained already.
    “So answer then,” he drawled out slowly. “Do you want me to kiss you?”
    “Yes.”
    He seemed pleased by that. He looked down at my lips and licked his own. My heart felt full when I closed my eyes and waited for his mouth to touch mine. The anticipation built little by little. I felt his breaths against my face and more drops of water over my cheeks as he closed the gap between us. His lips briefly skimmed over mine, heightening my senses. Slowly he kissed me. Light and soft. I parted my mouth and kissed him back, savouring his soft lips until he pressed them harder against mine.
    I felt warmth spread from the top of my head down to my toes. It felt deliciously good. Better than I could have expected. It felt like a rush had come over me, and I was fighting everything inside of me that was pushing to wrap my arms around him. Looking back now, I know he kept it tame. There was no tongue like there was with Pomposa. There was no other part of each other we were touching. Carter had kept it strangely platonic yet heated all at once, moving firmly yet softly, giving attention to my lower lip before ascending to my upper.
    When he pulled away from my mouth, he swiftly rolled to his side of the bed before I even opened my eyes. That spoke volumes. Here I was, achieving a milestone in my pathetic little existence, enjoying my first ever kiss with the only boy I wanted to do it with, and there Carter was, giving it to me out of some eager need to fulfil his ego. He didn’t want it. He didn’t care for it like I did. I felt empty right then and there. I sneakily glanced at him, unsure of what to do. He was staring up at the ceiling with a blank expression, meanwhile I was flustered and panting.
    What should I say?
    What was he going to say?
    Was that all he was willing to give me? Because I was already longing for another taste of his mouth, and I may have pleaded with my eyes for him to do that again. But he wasn’t looking. Not once.
    What was wrong with me?
    “Good night, Leah,” he then said casually.
    “Good night,” I whispered half-heartedly, my heart torn straight out of my chest.
    And just like that, everything was back to normal again.                           
    The kiss was forgotten. Our days resumed. And for the next couple years, I watched from afar the countless girls that came and went, brief interruptions in our best friend paradigm that would have the masses face palming at once. Rome would tell me I was an idiot, and I would agree.
    At least I was an idiot on purpose.
     

Carter
     
    Twist me up with jealousy
Make my imagination run away from me
until the daggers of our twisted reality
ravage me internally.
    And I’ve fallen away, fallen away from
everything
And I’m too numb, too numb
to feel the pain when I sing.
    I knock back tonight’s countless drink
Torn apart by your need
to drive my sanity to its brink.
I’ve fallen into madness
and you’re too far gone to care.
    And I’ve fallen away, fallen away from
everything
And I’m too numb, too numb
to feel the pain when I sing.
    *
     
    Want in her eyes. The way her breathing hitched when I neared her.
    Lips parted. Her eyes widened.
    I should never have kissed her.
     
    That was the second strike against me.
     
     

Six
     
    2005
16 years