Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life: How to Unlock Your Full Potential for Success and Achievement by Brian Tracy Read Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Brian Tracy
about it. Encourage them to view the difficulty as if it was happening to someone else. Ask them what advice they would give to another person who was facing this same problem. By detaching from the emotionally charged situation, you and others will become much more capable of dealing with it effectively.
■ THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS
The third major cause of negative emotions, according to Ouspensky, is inward considering . This occurs when you become overly concerned with the way people are treating you. If you perceive that someone is not giving you the respect that you feel you deserve, you can feel insulted and angry, and want to strike back.
If people are rude or indifferent to you, you can experience their behavior as an attack on your personality or character. This interpretation of their attitude or behavior can make you angry or depressed.
Psychologists say that everything we do is to increase our self-esteem and sense of personal value, or to protect it from being diminished by other people or circumstances. If your self-esteem is not as high as it could be, you will be sensitive to the actions and reactions of other people toward you. You will take everything personally , exactly as if what they said or did was consciously and deliberately directed at you. However, this is seldom the case.
The fact is that most people are preoccupied with themselves and their own problems. As much as 99 percent of the time, people are wrapped up in their own thoughts about themselves. They de-vote the other 1 percent of emotional energy they have available to everyone else in the world, including you. The person who cuts you off in traffic is so involved with his own thoughts, he is not even aware of your existence. It would be silly to become angry or upset over his thoughtless action.
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CHANGE YOUR THINKING, CHANGE YOUR LIFE
■ SET YOUR OWN SAILS
There is a rule that I have learned from experience: Never do or refrain from doing something because you are concerned about what people might think about you. The fact is that nobody is even thinking about you at all.
Of course, I am not talking about criminal or antisocial behaviors. But it is amazing how many people make decisions to get into or to not get into relationships, businesses, new endeav-ors, adventures, and other things for fear that someone else might not approve. They stay in marriages they hate, they work at jobs they dislike, or they turn down business opportunities for fear that someone, anyone, might criticize them. The truth is that no one cares more about your key life decisions than you do.
Plan accordingly.
In Abraham Maslow’s studies of self-actualizing people, those 1 or 2 percent of men and women who are fully mature, fully functioning adults, he found a particular quality that they all had in common: They were completely honest with themselves. They were objective and clear about their own strengths and weaknesses.
They did not hope or pretend that they were other than they were.
This self-acceptance was a foundation stone of their self-esteem and self-respect.
Because they knew who they were, and who they were not, they did not feel that they had to continually earn the approval of others.
They took the opinions of others into consideration, but then they made their own decisions. They were not overly influenced by the possible approval or disapproval of other people. You should do the same.You are the one who cares the most and who is most affected, in any case.
■ THE RESPECT OF OTHERS
When Somerset Maugham, the famous English author, was asked by a reporter for his chief motivation for writing, he replied, “I write to earn the respect of the people I respect.” The fact is that much of what you do, or fail to do, is influenced by the same concern.You do many things in your social life to earn ccc_tracy_2_18-39.qxd 6/23/03 2:46 PM Page 27
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the respect of
■ THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS
The third major cause of negative emotions, according to Ouspensky, is inward considering . This occurs when you become overly concerned with the way people are treating you. If you perceive that someone is not giving you the respect that you feel you deserve, you can feel insulted and angry, and want to strike back.
If people are rude or indifferent to you, you can experience their behavior as an attack on your personality or character. This interpretation of their attitude or behavior can make you angry or depressed.
Psychologists say that everything we do is to increase our self-esteem and sense of personal value, or to protect it from being diminished by other people or circumstances. If your self-esteem is not as high as it could be, you will be sensitive to the actions and reactions of other people toward you. You will take everything personally , exactly as if what they said or did was consciously and deliberately directed at you. However, this is seldom the case.
The fact is that most people are preoccupied with themselves and their own problems. As much as 99 percent of the time, people are wrapped up in their own thoughts about themselves. They de-vote the other 1 percent of emotional energy they have available to everyone else in the world, including you. The person who cuts you off in traffic is so involved with his own thoughts, he is not even aware of your existence. It would be silly to become angry or upset over his thoughtless action.
ccc_tracy_2_18-39.qxd 6/23/03 2:46 PM Page 26
26
➤
CHANGE YOUR THINKING, CHANGE YOUR LIFE
■ SET YOUR OWN SAILS
There is a rule that I have learned from experience: Never do or refrain from doing something because you are concerned about what people might think about you. The fact is that nobody is even thinking about you at all.
Of course, I am not talking about criminal or antisocial behaviors. But it is amazing how many people make decisions to get into or to not get into relationships, businesses, new endeav-ors, adventures, and other things for fear that someone else might not approve. They stay in marriages they hate, they work at jobs they dislike, or they turn down business opportunities for fear that someone, anyone, might criticize them. The truth is that no one cares more about your key life decisions than you do.
Plan accordingly.
In Abraham Maslow’s studies of self-actualizing people, those 1 or 2 percent of men and women who are fully mature, fully functioning adults, he found a particular quality that they all had in common: They were completely honest with themselves. They were objective and clear about their own strengths and weaknesses.
They did not hope or pretend that they were other than they were.
This self-acceptance was a foundation stone of their self-esteem and self-respect.
Because they knew who they were, and who they were not, they did not feel that they had to continually earn the approval of others.
They took the opinions of others into consideration, but then they made their own decisions. They were not overly influenced by the possible approval or disapproval of other people. You should do the same.You are the one who cares the most and who is most affected, in any case.
■ THE RESPECT OF OTHERS
When Somerset Maugham, the famous English author, was asked by a reporter for his chief motivation for writing, he replied, “I write to earn the respect of the people I respect.” The fact is that much of what you do, or fail to do, is influenced by the same concern.You do many things in your social life to earn ccc_tracy_2_18-39.qxd 6/23/03 2:46 PM Page 27
Change Your Life
➤ 27
the respect of
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