Changing Everything by Molly McAdams Read Free Book Online

loved her, but not the way she wanted me to. I couldn’t give her what she was asking for.
    Kissing the top of her head, I left my lips there and prayed I wouldn’t lose my best friend as I whispered, “I’m sorry I can’t be what you need.”
    A strangled cry burst from her chest, and when she tried again, I let her leave my arms to get in her car. As I stood in the parking lot watching her drive away, I knew I’d just lost the only girl who’d ever meant anything to me.

 
    Chapter Four
    September 1, 2013
    Paisley
    “I DON’T KNOW why it hurt so bad to hear him say those words—it’s not like I didn’t know that’s how he felt. It’s not like it’d been some big question of whether or not he might love me too . . . I guess I’d just kept letting myself believe that when he found out, he’d maybe see things differently, or something, I don’t know.” Looking over at Jason, I forced out something that vaguely resembled a laugh. “I blame you for that last part.”
    Jason and Kristen both sat there sharing twin looks of pity, and I hated it. All their expressions were doing was making the ache in my soul grow.
    Eli wasn’t in love with me.
    I’m sorry I can’t be what you need.
    My lips thinned into a tight line, and tears filled my eyes as his words played over and over again in my head. They’d sounded tortured coming from him, and they were torturing me still two days later.
    “Paisley,” Kristen crooned.
    “I’m fine,” I lied, and tilted my head back as I blinked away the tears.
    I almost never cried, but Eli Jenkins was bringing the tears out a lot lately. I didn’t want them. I didn’t want this . I didn’t want to feel like nothing was right in the world. I didn’t want to be hiding out at Kristen and Jason’s on a Sunday morning because I was worried Eli would show up at my house and try to act like nothing had changed between us—while at the same time terrified he wouldn’t show up at all. I didn’t want to have a shattered soul while simultaneously having my chest tighten in anticipation at the thought of seeing Brett later. I just wanted to go back to how everything had been.
    I’d spent half of my life silently loving Eli Jenkins. And up until a few weeks ago, I would have told you with one hundred percent certainty that I would have continued loving only him for the rest of my life even if he never found out—as pathetic as that sounds. I never expected to find someone who would have me reconsidering that future, and I definitely never expected to find someone who would have me falling that hard that fast.
    There was no way to prepare for Brett and the impact he’d already had on my life, just like there was no way for me to prepare to lose everything I’d had with Eli. He was still my best friend, and, sure, I could have gone on with our friendship . . . but even Eli had stopped calling. He hadn’t tried to contact me once since I’d driven away from Grind on Friday morning, and Jason said he hadn’t shown up to work that day.
    “I should have never told him . . . I should have just started the relationship with Brett.”
    “No. No, you shouldn’t have. Because what if this thing with Brett continues? You said he’s different, and I don’t doubt it since it finally made you tell Eli your feelings. But what if somewhere down the road you two got married, and you’re sitting there wondering what would’ve happened if you had just told Eli how you felt? What if you’d gotten so deep in your relationship with Brett only to find out that Eli felt the same, and then you had to choose between two men you loved ?”
    My stomach churned, and I wished I hadn’t drunk that coffee. “But in telling him all that, I just pushed him away. Not only did I force him to confirm that nothing will ever happen between us, I’ve lost my best friend.”
    “That’s not true,” Kristen said sadly at the same time Jason assured me, “No, you haven’t.”
    “I think it was