Charlie and the War Against the Grannies by Alan Brough Read Free Book Online Page B

going to need to formulate another plan,’ said Hils.
    â€˜Affirmative,’ I said
    â€˜Don’t copy,’ said Hils.

    We stopped out the front of Hils’s taekwondo training place. Inside I could hear a lot of people taekwondoing each other. I wondered if any of the Stinkly Wrinklys knew taekwondo. I wondered if our war against the Stinkly Wrinklys would be decided by a taekwondo showdown between Hils and one of the Stinkly Wrinklys.
    I sort of hoped it would.
    More than sort of, actually.
    â€˜We have to find the Stinkly Wrinklys’ headquarters,’ said Hils.
    â€˜How are we going to do that?’ I said.
    Hils looked at me. Her face was very serious. Like someone had just used a really, very, super powerful vacuum cleaner to suck all the unserious out of her.
    â€˜There’s only one way,’ said Hils. ‘We’re going to need The Lurker.’
    â€˜We don’t need The Lurker, Hils,’ I said. ‘I hate The Lurker. He’s so lurkey.’

20
THE LURKER
    I waited at the taekwondo place for Hils to finish her class. While she practised shouting and bowing I sat on the front steps and read my book. After a while one of the taekwondo teachers came out and asked me if I wanted to come in and join one of the classes.
    â€˜Thank you, but I can’t,’ I said. ‘You see, I have a very rare kidney disease and if any part of my body gets hit I will instantly die.’
    The teacher went back inside.
    I went back to my book.
    â€˜We need to find the Stinkly Wrinklys’ headquarters,’ said Hils as she sat down next to me after finishing taekwondo-ing. ‘The Lurker is the best person for the job.’
    The Lurker is a weedy, ratty sort of kid who is always hanging around. Everywhere you look, there he is. No one ever asks him to be there. He just is there.

    All the time. Lurking. The problem is you hardly ever know he is hanging around. Suddenly he’s just there. Right next to you. Lurking. He’s not friends with anyone. No one really likes him. He just hangs around. Not saying anything. Not doing anything. Just Lurking.
    â€˜But all he does is Lurk around,’ I said. ‘Half the time you don’t even know he’s there. Until he wants biscuits.’
    â€˜That’s why he’s so good at finding stuff out,’ said Hils. ‘He just Lurks around – without anyone even realising he’s there – until he finds out what he needs to know.’
    â€˜No one can Lurk for that long without
someone
spotting them,’ I said.
    â€˜Did you know,’ said Hils, ‘that The Lurker walked with us from school to taekwondo and has been standing next to you the whole time you’ve been out here reading your book?’
    I looked around.
    She was right.
    There he was.
    The Lurker.
    Right next to me. Just Lurking.
    The Lurker wasn’t even the tiniest bit frightening but it always gave me a fright when I saw him. Lurking.
    â€˜You only spotted me because I wanted you to, Duncan,’ said The Lurker.
    â€˜Hello, Leon,’ said Hils.
    The Lurker’s real name is Leon Lloyd-Llewellyn.
    â€˜Biscuit,’ said The Lurker.
    â€˜Of course,’ said Hils.
    Hils never said ‘of course’ to anyone.
    Hils reached into her bag and pulled out one of those big packets of biscuits. The ones with a whole lot of different biscuits in them. The Lurker grabbed the biscuits. He seemed to rip open the packet at the same time as he started eating them. He wasn’t even really eating them. It was more like he was fighting the biscuits with his mouth. Fighting them to death.
    He won.
    Of course he won. He is a human. (I think.) They were just biscuits.
    â€˜Leon,’ said Hils. ‘I have a mission for you.’
    The Lurker stood there – covered in crumbs with a bit of dead biscuit sticking out of his mouth – and smiled.

21
THE TRAINING
    â€˜While The Lurker is trying to find the