Cheating on Myself by Erin Downing Read Free Book Online

our way across the pool deck to the shallow L-section of the pool. “I hurt myself doing yoga, and I haven’t been able to exercise in more than a month. I needed to find something that won’t strain my back.”
    Heather patted my arm. “This class isn’t going to strain much, except your patience. Barbara talks through class—makes it impossible to get a decent workout if you try to listen. I’ll introduce you around. The girls are all going to want to set you up with their boys—sons, grandsons, godsons. I’ll wait my turn until I figure out if you’re normal or one of those shrill gals. Are you single?”
    It was the first time I’d been asked this since Erik and I had broken up. Anders, Lily, and I had spent most of the past weekend getting my stuff out of Erik’s house (Lily had helpfully emailed him to find out when he’d be out of the house) and moving it into “my” house. It felt good to be home, and I’d been distracted enough that I hadn’t thought much about Erik. I was surprised at how little I was thinking of him, actually. I nodded to answer Heather’s question, and realized how normal it felt to be saying yes. “Newly single,” I said, hoping she’d take that as a hint that I wasn’t looking for anyone.
    “Perfect. Barbara’s got a grandson who seems to only want casual flings, so we’ll start there. Barb’s pushy anyway, so the sooner we get her little shit out of the way, the better.” I stared at Heather. This was what Lily was going to be like in forty years, I realized. Something about the comparison made me feel even more comfortable with Heather.
    “I’m not really looking to be set up right now. It was a long-term relationship that ended last week, actually.”
    “Wah-wah,” Heather said, making a squeaky violin noise. “Time to move on. Life’s too short for moping, sweetheart. My husband died ten years ago, and I wasted too much time whining about being alone. Learn a lesson from an old lady, and get going now. Your body’s not going to look any better than it does right now.”
    “I’m taking time for me. I’ve been in a committed relationship since I was twenty-two, and I think I started to forget who I was while we were dating.”
    “You think you need to be alone to find yourself?” Heather started to walk down the sloping ramp into the pool. She let out a little moan as the water hit her belly button. “That’s bull-crap. All those self-help books these days tell you to go off and explore the world on your own, eat and pray your way to your soul. Blah, blah, blah. Sex is just as good for finding yourself as this so-called ‘reflection’ time. And you’ll be a lot less lonely.” She shook her head, then reached for a pair of inflatable bar-bells that were resting on the pool deck. “It’s your own damn fault you let the guy take over. Take yourself back, damn it. Just don’t bother doing it alone. You’ll just end up feeling sorry for yourself.”
    I smiled at the advice. I hadn’t expected a therapy session at water aerobics. Heather made some good points, but I knew my situation was different. Just as I was about to tell her that, a gaggle of laughing women came through the door from the locker room into the pool area. One man emerged from the hot tub and joined everyone in the pool. There were a total of seven of us, including me, and I was easily forty years younger than anyone else in the class. I started to question this decision again, but I’d vowed to go to at least three classes before giving up. I had to get back to exercise, or I really was going to go crazy. My life felt like it was falling apart, and I knew it was partly because I was depressed and feeling awful about my appearance.
    The woman who seemed to be the teacher was in her mid-fifties and heavyset. She was wearing stretchy leggings under her swimsuit, and had on a pair of running shoes. She introduced herself to me as Jean, asking about my experience with water