Child of All Nations by Pramoedya Ananta Toer Read Free Book Online

herself off from the outside world.
    Mama and Minke, I promise I will keep on trying, whatever the results. It is God who decides in the end.
    The next letter from Panji Darman was postmarked Port Said and it read as follows.
    Since leaving Colombo and right up until entering the Red Sea, the weather has been exceedingly hot during the day. I can hardly stand staying in the cabin. And on top of all that, there were the great waves and ocean swell before the entrance to the Bab-el-Mandeb Straits; it has been almost unbearable. The ship’s clinic is always full of people. But despite these conditions, Madame Annelies hasn’t been affected at all. It is as if she has become immune to the effects of changes in weather, or has already lost her sensitivity to such things.
    She was never taken to the clinic. The nurse says that the doctor always visits her cabin. But I never meet him, even though I care for Annelies and keep her company every single day. Perhaps he visits before I come to the cabin.
    Mama, Minke, I am caring for and befriending her in appearance only. The reality is not what I hoped for. I still haven’t been able to get her to speak. It is as though there is some dense mist that blankets her mind. I don’t know whether that mist is the result of medicines or something that has grown from within her. I don’t know. Because I have never met the doctor, I have never been able to get an explanation.
    The nurse too has never been willing to give an explanation.
    Forgive my stupidity.
    In that hot weather and during those high seas, Madame Annelies never left her bed. Her health was worsening. Several times I have seen the food spoon-fed into her mouth by the nurse only to stop there, unchewed. I began to worry that the nurse would become cranky with all this. So I have taken over her task. Let her go up on deck to get some fresh air, or do whatever she likes.
    Mama, Minke, forgive me, because I don’t know what Madame Annelies’s religion actually is, even though I know she was married according to Islam. I need to ask your forgiveness because every time I leave her cabin I need to pray at her bedside. I pray for her safety, health, and happiness, then I say good night and return to my own cabin.
    I am not in error to do that, am I? I only know Christian teachings and I only know how to pray in the Christian way. I could never bring myself to surrender her at night to that nurse without leaving her with a little prayer.
    Every night before I sleep I pray also for Mama and Minke, that you both stay strong and wise.
    I am never able to sleep before eleven o’clock. My thoughts do not seem able to get away from Madame Annelies and her withdrawal from the world. Ya, God, Allah, allow me a day when I can meet Annelies again in good health, smiling and talking happily as I have so often seen her in Wonokromo. So far it is only her muteness that I meet.
    Even so, I have not lost hope. God will always give me the strength to try to guard and befriend her.
    The letter postmarked Amsterdam was the longest.
    As time goes on I become more anxious and saddened. Mama, Minke: Madame Annelies’s health is deteriorating rapidly. This started happening after we left the Mediterranean Sea and the Straits of Gibraltar. Somewhere near the Bay of Biscay the ship was attacked by a storm. Great waves rolled over, washing forth all over the ship’s deck. All the ship’s portholes were closed up tight. For the first time, Madame Annelies groaned.
Only I was there to befriend her. The floor of the cabin swayed beneath my feet and it felt as if it was going to turn over. The engine’s voice trembled as if giving up all hope. I didn’t stop vomiting.
    In this situation I knelt down beside Madame Annelies’s bed, gripping it with one hand, and I prayed that the ship would not sink and that Madame would quickly recover once we had made land and that she would be recovered forever and that she be given the strength to endure the period of