Circling the Drain by Amanda Davis Read Free Book Online

testimony. But I am twenty-nine. Alone. In this city where I believed life would be easier. I underestimated my confusion. Memories crashed over my head here, collected in rivulets, trickled along my collarbone and down my back. Puddled. And I lost myself in them.
    I burned many of Jack’s books, but I saved one: The Book of Fear.
    25.
    I dreamt that I was asleep with my charges. I would wake up and they had disappeared. The image kept on repeating itself never showing me how or where I found them. I would lock all the doors and windows put out the lights and wake up to find them gone again
    enya paarl, ct south africa
    Even at his craziest I trusted Jack with my future. He was ahead of me by eight years, so I felt certain he would get there first, would tell me how it all turned out. And then he left. And maybe he will still tell me how it all turns out. Maybe he will still lead me through what I don’t know, through my ignorance to discovery and enlightenment. For now, I wait in the dismal evening and, with all the people in this city, I listen for one voice and hear nothing.
    Do you know how it is to be truly alone? To look out into the night and realize that your voice echoes and calls back to you from a cavern? That you scale its walls alone?Some people do not ever feel this, I am certain. In sleep they are connected to other people. Others are not. I am not. There are no secret strings that bind, no lines I cannot see. No more bookstore, no more words. I am alone here with my voice. It is quiet. Night falls.
    26.
    I have good news for all of us, God’s children. The time of the Messiah IS AT HAND. He is here on Earth and soon His will shall be fulfilled. Prepare your hearts for the coming of the truth and do not let the truth pass you by. Your ears must be open and your eyes must be alert, for the Lord is at hand. God bless you all.
    A Blessed Child (I’m sorry. For safety reasons I cannot reveal my true name.) USA
    My psychologist says: You were looking for someone to tell you what to do, to replace your brother . But that’s not quite it. I am looking for the words that flew from God’s lips to his ears. Words he would not speak, couldn’t speak. Words which stammered and cursed and spat. Words more powerful than the language that made them. I am looking for that voice, as if those words were him and more than him. And the thing is, I feel it out there, trickling through someone more generous than Jack. Someone who can save us all.

CHASE
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    Lily was in love with a boy who chased freight trains. Rode his big blue horse like a big blue rocket shouting: Go Wonder, get ’em boy, and chased those trains and caught them.
    The boy looped his mighty lasso above his head and tossed it over engines sputtering along, coughing black soot and faraway ideas all over the towns they roared past. When that lasso caught, he yelled: Here we go boy, and, holding on tight, got yanked on board to ride into the day ahead, with the whole open sky all around and the horizon unfolding like a clean new map. He rode until the land was chopped up by roads and he felt mankind spread in every direction like a crazy kind of kudzu. Then he whistled and Wonder, who’d been galloping faithfully along, was right there for him to leap back onto and off they went. He wiped his brow and said: That’s it boy, that’s the way to get ’em.
    Wonder was faster than memory or scent, faster than hunger or illness or regret. But not as fast as love. No, Wonder was not a horse who could outrun love.
    And Lily was in love with this boy who chased freight trains.
    And the boy loved the horse. And the wind in his face. And the open earth.
    Once she asked him: Why not passenger trains? Why not chase a train with people inside? and he said: Nothing doing, and his mouth became a jumpy line and furrowserupted across the field of his face and she saw how tired he was and how afraid and she