Clouds of Witness by Dorothy L. Sayers Read Free Book Online

Pickled Gherkins comes of age."
    In the frightful silence which followed this remark the sound of a walking-stick being clattered into an umbrella-stand was distinctly audible.
    "Who's that, I wonder," said the Duchess.
    The door waltzed open.
    "Mornin', dear old things," said the newcomer cheerfully. "How are you all? Hullo, Helen! Colonel you owe me half a crown since last September year. Mornin', Mrs. Marchbanks, Mornin' Mrs. P. Well, Mr. Murbles, how d'you like this bill-beastly weather? Don't trouble to get up, Freddy; I'd simply hate to inconvenience you. Parker, old man, what a damned reliable old bird you are! Always on the spot, like that patent ointment thing. I say, have you all finished? I meant to get up earlier, but I was snorin' so Bunter hadn't the heart to wake me. I nearly blew in last night, only we didn't arrive till 2 A.M. and I thought you wouldn't half bless me if I did. Eh, what, Colonel? Aeroplane. Victoria from Paris to London-North-Eastern to Northallerton-damn bad roads the rest of the way, and a puncture just below Riddlesdale. Damn bad bed at the 'Lord in Glory'; thought I'd blow in for the last sausage here, if I was lucky. What? Sunday morning in an English family and no sausages? God bless my soul, what's the world coming to, eh, Colonel? I say, Helen, old Gerald's been an' gone an' done it this time, what? You've no business to leave him on his own, you know; he always gets into mischief. What's that? Curry? Thanks, old man. Here, I say, you needn't be so stingy about it; I've been travelling for three days on end. Freddy, pass the toast. Beg pardon, Mrs. Marchbanks? Oh, rather, yes; Corsica was perfectly amazin'-all black-eyed fellows with knives in their belts and jolly fine-looking girls. Old Bunter had a regular affair with the inn-keeper's daughter in one place. D'you know, he's an awfully susceptible old beggar. You'd never think it, would you? Jove! I am hungry. I say, Helen, I meant to get you some fetchin' crepe-de-Chine undies from Paris, but I saw that old Parker was gettin' ahead of me over the bloodstains, so we packed up our things and buzzed off."
    Mrs. Pettigrew-Robinson rose.
    "Theodore," she said, "I think we ought to be getting ready for church."
    "I will order the car," said the Duchess. "Peter, of course I'm exceedingly glad to see you. Your leaving no address was most inconvenient. Ring for anything you want. It is a pity you didn't arrive in time to see Gerald."
    "Oh, that's all right," said Lord Peter cheerfully; "I'll look him up in quod. Y'know it's rather a good idea to keep one's crimes in the family; one has so many more facilities. I'm sorry for poor old Polly, though. How is she?"
    "She must not be disturbed to-day," said the Duchess with decision.
    "Not a bit of it," said Lord Peter; "she'll keep. Today Parker and I hold high revel. To-day he shows me all the bloody footprints-it's all right, Helen, that's not swearin', that's an adjective of quality. I hope they aren't all washed away, are they, old thing?"
    "No," said Parker, "I've got most of them under flowerpots."
    "Then pass the bread and squish," said Lord Peter, "and tell me all about it."
    The departure of the church-going element had induced a more humanitarian atmosphere. Mrs. Marchbanks stumped off upstairs to tell Mary that Peter had come, and the Colonel lit a large cigar.
    The Hon. Freddy rose, stretched himself, pulled a leather arm-chair to the fireside, and sat down with his feet on the brass fender, while Parker marched round and poured himself out another cup of coffee.
    "I suppose you've seen the papers," he said.
    "Oh, yes, I read up the inquest," said Lord Peter.
    "Y'know, if you'll excuse my saying so, I think you rather mucked it between you."
    "It was disgraceful," said Mr. Murbles, "disgraceful. The Coroner behaved most improperly. He had no business to give such a summing-up. With a jury of ignorant country fellows, what could one expect? And the details that were allowed to come out!