Collaborators by John Hodge Read Free Book Online Page B

coat.
    He goes to the front stage.
    Exit Yelena.
    Bulgakov crosses to the desk.
    No sign of Stalin.
    Suddenly the cupboard door slides opens and closes very quickly.
    Stalin steps forward.
    He is clutching a thick pile of files and notes – administrative paperwork.
    Stalin I’m late – I know.
    Bulgakov It’s all right.
    Stalin I have other things to do, you know.
    Bulgakov Of course. I didn’t say anything.
    Stalin A country to run.
    Bulgakov Yes, I know. I’m sorry.
    Stalin dumps the paperwork on the desk and sits down at the typewriter.
    Stalin Never stops, you know. Always something.
    Bulgakov It’s a big responsibility.
    Stalin Does anyone think so?
    Bulgakov The people are grateful.
    Stalin Are they? I’ll take your word on that. Now where was I?
    He settles himself in at the desk.
    Bulgakov The seminary. You were expelled.
    Stalin Yes! Now – here’s what I was thinking. We jump forward one year. The oil town of Batumi. I am now a fully active, full-time Bolshevik revolutionary. Fast becoming the Lenin of south-west Georgia! – Strike the ‘south-west’!
    Bulgakov It’s good. You’re keeping it moving.
    Stalin Exactly! That’s what I thought. There’s a dynamism in my life –
    Bulgakov Reflected in the text.
    Stalin You and me, Mikhail – two minds with as but one thought.
    Bulgakov So what happens in Batumi?
    Stalin I’ve infiltrated the Rothschild oil refinery, spreading the credo of armed insurrection among the workers. On a personal level, I’m living in an apartment. There’s a girl there.
    Bulgakov Good.
    Stalin And guess what?
    Bulgakov She’s in love with you.
    Stalin It’s true. And believe me, she wasn’t the only one.
    Bulgakov Romance. Always popular.
    Stalin OK. Here goes.
    He feeds in the paper.
    One moment – if I’m doing your job, why don’t you do mine?
    Bulgakov Do yours?
    Stalin Yeah. See those papers – that’s a summary of the steel output for the entire USSR, broken down intoindividual republics, regions, provinces, mills, foundries, shifts. What you have to do –
    Bulgakov Me!
    Stalin – is make a note beside each one, more or less. ‘Increased output required!’ ‘Must work harder!’ ‘More steel needed – increase by 59 per cent in six months!’ Stuff like that.
    Bulgakov I can’t do that.
    Stalin Of course you can. Go on, Mikhail. Make a note.
    He thrusts one of the sheets towards Bulgakov.
    Go on. Just try it. Just once . . .
    Bulgakov picks up a pen. Hesitates. Then writes in the margin.
    Stalin reads over his shoulder.
    Stalin ‘More steel or else!’ Oh boy! When you get angry, you really get angry! ‘. . . or else!’ – might use that one myself someday. OK. Now sign. J.S.
    Bulgakov J.S.?
    Stalin That’s me.
    Bulgakov Yes – I know, but . . .
    Stalin What’s the problem?
    Bulgakov I can’t sign your initials. That’s illegal!
    Stalin You’ve done the hard bit, the creative work, but unless you sign it, it isn’t going to work. J . . . S . . . J.S., J for Joseph –
    Bulgakov I can’t!
    Stalin Go on, Mikhail. Sign it. It’s our little secret. No one will ever know.
    Bulgakov No one?
    Stalin No one.
    Suddenly, with a flourish, Bulgakov signs the order and throws down the pen.
    They begin giggling.
    Stalin punches Bulgakov affectionately on the shoulder.
    Bulgakov punches him back, even harder.
    They both giggle even more at Bulgakov’s audacity.
    Enter the two Actors, followed by Vladimir and Stepan.
    Bulgakov and Stalin exit, giggling like naughty boys.
    Actor Two pulls on a dress.
    Actor One Good news, Kato, I have secured employment at the Rothschild oil refinery. From within, I can convert workers to Marxism and recruit them to the cause. It’s only a matter of time before we bring the whole edifice of capitalist imperialism crashing to its knees!
    Actor Two Oh