Collected Plays and Teleplays (Irish Literature) by Flann O’Brien Read Free Book Online

to the stranger is entirely non-committal but KELLY shows somewhat hostile surprise. HANNAH retreats to the door left, but does not leave the room, being prepared to die rather than miss whatever surprise is forthcoming. The newcomer puts hat, stick and gloves on table near door. )
    SHAW: Ao. Good morning. Good morning.
    TOWN CLERK: Good morra, sir. That’s a grand spring morning, thank God.
    ( KELLY rises and stares inquiringly. )
    SHAW: O yes, indeed, really marvellous weather. First class, actually. I say, my dear, is Mrs. Crockett about? Would you kindly let her know that Captain Shaw is here?
    HANNAH: ( Gaping wider. ) Yes, sir.
    ( She is dismissed by his easy imperious manner and goes out left with great reluctance. KELLY continues to stare. The TOWN CLERK feels that his cuteness is challenged and is determined to find out who the stranger is and what is happening. )
    TOWN CLERK: But yesterday wasn’t much of a day. Divil a bit of good yesterday ever did the spring wheat.
    SHAW: ( Blankly. ) I beg your pardon?
    TOWN CLERK: ( Taken somewhat aback. ) The weather wasn’t up to the mark yesterday, sir.
    SHAW: Nao, the weather in Ireland is rather a bad show. By the way, may I take the liberty of introducing myself? My name is Captain Shaw. I have just arrived from the other side. Had a very rough passage too, by Jove.
    TOWN CLERK: I see.
    SHAW: Bad show, you know, fearfully trying on the stomach. Frightful business if you don’t happen to be a good sailor.
    TOWN CLERK: ( Behind divan, rising and extending his hand. ) I’m terribly glad to meet you Captain Shaw. I won’t worry you with me own name because I’m only the Town Clerk of this town——
    SHAW: Ao!
    TOWN CLERK: ( Moving left towards fire. ) And this gentleman, Captain, is de Chairman. De Chairman of de Council, Captain.
    SHAW: Ao. ( He bows in a formal courtly way. ) Terribly charmed to meet you, I am sure.
    KELLY: ( Relaxing and perceiving an opportunity for further political ranting. ) I am glad to know you, Captain, very glad to have the privilege of your acquaintance. It always gives me pleasure to welcome to Ireland one of our cousins from across the wave.
    ( TOWN CLERK stands at fire. )
    SHAW: Ao, really?
    KELLY: I always feel that in every visitor from England we have a unique opportunity to propagate amity and goodwill between the two islands, a chance to undo centuries of distrust and ill-feeling, a God-given opportunity to bring the simple and just claims of our land to the notice of the mighty nation that lives and has its being at the other side of the Irish Sea ( he advances )—a chance, if I may make so bold as to say so, to show the English people, without malice or rancour, mark you, what they owe us before the sight of God and how they may pay it to us. In a work, how we may still be friends after seven dark centuries of oppression.
    TOWN CLERK: ( Impatiently, feeling that KELLY’S address is unsuitable. ) Yerrah, Chairman, that’s another story. That’s a different day’s work altogether. ( He sits down at fire. )
    SHAW: ( Somewhat at sea. ) Yes, quite right, quite right. Quite right. ( He sits down uneasily. )
    KELLY: ( Warming to his subject again. ) And please, Captain, let there be no misunderstanding on this matter. Some people will tell you that I am anti-English—
    SHAW: Ao!
    KELLY: —that I cherish for the great English nation nothing but venom . . . and scorn . . . and contempt.
    SHAW: Ao?
    KELLY: What is my answer? My answer is that nothing could be farther from the truth. It is a lie. For the land of England I cherish feelings of the warmest regard. For the people who dwell there, the love and respect that is due to their dignity as human beings, the admiration that is due to those who have worked hard and well in the pursuit of material, if not spiritual, happiness. But what shall I say of the class that is in power in that fair and fertile land?——
    SHAW: ( At sea. ) Ao?
    TOWN CLERK: ( With mock enthusiasm. ) Hear,