Complete Works, Volume I by Harold Pinter Read Free Book Online Page A

without any more fuss?
    GOLDBERG . Mr Webber, sit down.
    STANLEY . It's no good starting any kind of trouble.
    GOLDBERG . Sit down.
    STANLEY . Why should I?
    GOLDBERG . If you want to know the truth, Webber, you're beginning to get on my breasts.
    STANLEY . Really? Well, that's—
    GOLDBERG . Sit down.
    STANLEY . No.
    GOLDBERG sighs, and sits at the table right.
    GOLDBERG . McCann.
    MCCANN . Nat?
    GOLDBERG . Ask him to sit down.
    MCCANN . Yes, Nat. ( MCCANN moves to STANLEY .) Do you mind sitting down?
    STANLEY . Yes, I do mind.
    MCCANN . Yes now, but—it'd be better if you did.
    STANLBY . Why don't you sit down?
    MCCANN . No, not me—you.
    STANLEY . No thanks.
    Pause.
    MCCANN . Nat.
    GOLDBERG . What?
    MCCANN . He won't sit down.
    GOLDBERG . Well, ask him.
    MCCANN . I've asked him.
    GOLDBERG . Ask him again.
    MCCANN ( to STANLEY ). Sit down.
    STANLEY . Why?
    MCCANN . You'd be more comfortable.
    STANLEY . So would you.
    Pause.
    MCCANN . All right. If you will I will.
    STANLEY . You first.
    MCCANN slowly sits at the table, left.
    MCCANN . Well?
    STANLEY . Right. Now you've both had a rest you can get out!
    MCCANN ( rising ). That's a dirty trick! I'll kick the shite out of him!
    GOLDBERG ( rising ). No! I have stood up.
    MCCANN . Sit down again!
    GOLDBERG . Once I'm up I'm up.
    STANLEY . Same here.
    MCCANN ( moving to STANLEY ). You've made Mr Goldberg stand up.
    STANLEY ( his voice rising ). It'll do him good!
    MCCANN . Get in that seat.
    GOLDBERG . McCann.
    MCCANN . Get down in that seat!
    GOLDBERG ( crossing to him ). Webber. ( Quietly. ) SIT DOWN . ( Silence. STANLEY begins to whistle " The Mountains of Morne " . He strolls casually to the chair at the table. They watch him. He stops to whistling. Silence. He sits. )
    STANLEY . You'd better be careful.
    GOLDBERG . Webber, what were you doing yesterday?
    STANLEY . Yesterday?
    GOLDBERG . And the day before. What did you do the day before that?
    STANLEY . What do you mean?
    GOLDBERG . Why are you wasting everybody's time, Webber? Why are you getting in everybody's way?
    STANLEY . Me? What are you—
    GOLDBERG . I'm telling you, Webber. You're a washout. Why are you getting on everybody's wick? Why are you driving that old lady off her conk?
    MCCANN . He likes to do it!
    GOLDBERG . Why do you behave so badly, Webber? Why do you force that old man out to play chess?
    STANLEY . Me?
    GOLDBERG . Why do you treat that young lady like a leper?She's not the leper, Webber!
    STANLEY . What the—
    GOLDBERG . What did you wear last week, Webber? Where do you keep your suits?
    MCCANN . Why did you leave the organization?
    GOLDBERG . What would your old mum say, Webber?
    MCCANN . Why did you betray us?
    GOLDBERG . You hurt me, Webber. You're playing a dirty game.
    MCCANN . That's a Black and Tan fact.
    GOLDBERG . Who does he think he is?
    MCCANN . Who do you think you are?
    STANLEY . You're on the wrong horse.
    GOLDBERG . When did you come to this place?
    STANLEY . Last year.
    GOLDBERG . Where did you come from?
    STANLEY . Somewhere else.
    GOLDBERG . Why did you come here?
    STANLEY . My feet hurt!
    GOLDBERG . Why did you stay?
    STANLEY . I had a headache!
    GOLDBERG . Did you take anything for it?
    STANLEY . Yes.
    GOLDBERG . What?
    STANLEY . Fruit salts!
    GOLDBERG . Enos or Andrews?
    STANLEY . En— An—
    GOLDBERG . Did you stir properly? Did they fizz?
    STANLEY . Now, now, wait, you—
    GOLDBERG . Did they fizz? Did they fizz or didn't they fizz?
    MCCANN . He doesn't know!
    GOLDBERG . You don't know. When did you last have a bath?
    STANLEY . I have one every—
    GOLDBERG . Don't lie.
    MCCANN . You betrayed the organization. I know him!
    STANLEY . You don't!
    GOLDBERG . What can you see without your glasses?
    STANLEY . Anything.
    GOLDBERG . Take off his glasses.
    MCCANN snatches his glasses and as STANLEY rises, reaching for them, takes his chair downstage centre, below the table, STANLEY stumbling as he follows. STANLEY clutches the chair and stays bent over it.
    Webber, you're a fake. (