Confessions of a Serial Kisser by Wendelin Van Draanen Read Free Book Online

kiss!"
    Fortunately, this was not a problem.
    He called at 7:02.
    "Hey, Evangeline, it's Justin. Wassup?"
    All of a sudden my mouth went dry. But I managed to sound passably confident as I said, "Meet me at the Prager Park gazebo in fifteen minutes."
    "Why?"
    My mouth now felt stuffed with cotton. "Hmm. If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn't come."
    Had that even been intelligible? And what was I
thinking
? What if he said, "Why would I want to meet up with
you
?" How embarrassing would that be?
    But then my ear buzzed with the sweet sound of "I'll be there."
    I hung up, greatly relieved.
    And slightly shocked!
    It worked!
    I was going to be meeting a romantic guy at a romantic setting.
    We were going to do some romantic crimson kissing!
    Since Prager Park is only a five-minute walk from the condo, I had plenty of time to take out some crimson-kissing insurance. I refreshed my lip gloss and mascara, then sprayed on some of my mother's musky perfume. It was sultry and very...smooth.
    It occurred to me as I was spritzing my neck that there was no mention of Delilah's wearing sexy perfumes in
A Crimson Kiss.
It also occurred to me that if she did wear perfume, it would probably be more flowery than musky.
    "Who cares?" I said out loud, then stalled for another ten minutes. Showing up five minutes late would be cool. Showing up five minutes early would not.
    By the time I left the condo, I was completely giddy. It was a beautiful clear night with a nearly full moon; the air was crisp but not cold, I was meeting a dark-eyed, dashing-looking guy at a gazebo.... I actually twirled around twice as I strolled down the sidewalk. I wasn't just seeing a fantasy, I was actually living one!
    Unfortunately, when I strolled up to the gazebo, I discovered that Justin Rodriguez had not yet arrived. The setting
was
perfect, but I couldn't enjoy the moonlight, or the sweet smell of honeysuckle, or the cool night air. Instead, I stood around for what seemed like an eternity feeling like a total dweeb and picked at a cuticle. I hate when I rip cuticles. They get all bleedy and oozy and gross. But once I start, I can't seem to stop until the whole thing's torn off.
    By the time Justin appeared (out of nowhere, scaring the hell out of me), I'd ripped away the entire cuticle of my left thumb, worrying that I'd been stood up.
    "Wassup?" Justin said, acting a little too cool. He laughed. "Why're you so jumpy?"
    I almost snapped, "Why are you so late?" but in my head it sounded (
eeew
) desperate. So I leaned against a post of the gazebo and tried for something relaxed and witty. "Jumpy? Maybe I'm a rabbit?"
    The second it left my lips, my brain screamed,
A rabbit? What kind of insane thing is that to say? What do you think he's going to read into that? He sure won't think you mean fuzzy and cute!
    He laughed and moved toward me.
    "I didn't mean it like that," I said, taking a step away.
    "Then why're we here?"
    My thumb was oozing and it was distracting me. So I put my thumbnail up to my mouth, trying to look casual as I licked it. The taste of blood mixed with micro specks of Colgate.
Oh, no!
I thought.
It's seriously bleeding!
    Justin's nose started twitching like a rabbit's, and at first I thought he was making fun of me, but then his eyes squeezed together and he let out a loud, splattering sneeze.
    A horn beeped from the parking lot behind me as Justin blasted another splattery sneeze into his sleeve. I glanced over my shoulder, then did a double take as two guys dived for cover inside an old Nissan. "You brought Blaine and Travis?"
    "Aaaa-chooooo!"
He wiped his face. "Your perfume...the flowers...something's killin' me!" He twitched and sniffed.
"Aaaa-chooooo!"
    "Why'd you bring Blaine and Travis?"
    "
Aaaa-chooooo!
Why'd you wear that stupid perfume?
Aaaa-chooooo!
Why'd you pick this stupid place?
Aaaa-chooooo!
"
    I stared at him. So much for the perfect setting. Obviously there'd be no kissing tonight!

22
    Morning Madness
    W HEN A DRIENNE AND I