Cure for the Common Universe by Christian McKay Heidicker Read Free Book Online

leader, who gave an enthusiastic series of deafening claps.
    â€œGo find a seat,” G-man said, patting my back so hard, it stung.
    I slouched toward the Fury Burds. My guild.
    The giant guild leader shook my hand, which practically disappeared inside his.
    â€œGood tidings, Miles!” he said, grinning. He drew me close and whispered, “When you’re in the guilding chair, these meetings can feel longer than a Final Fantasy cut scene. Heh-heh.”
    I managed half a smile.
    A bird tweeted through the overhead speakers.
    â€œAll right, everyone!” G-man called from the stage. “Before you head off to guild therapy, say it with me now! One, two, three !”
    The players chanted in their unenthusiastic voices: “I am not a gamer; I am a player of life.”
    And just like that, I was.

NPCs
    T o the Nest, adventurers!” the giant guild leader said.
    I followed the Fury Burds out of the Hub and along the eastern corridor. The prepubescent kid kept glancing over his shoulder at me. He couldn’t seem to keep his tongue in his mouth.
    We climbed another staircase to a purple door painted with a picture of a bird’s nest. Inside, the two girls combed through an activity chest while the smaller kid started unfolding chairs with the effort of a squirrel trying to pry open bear traps.
    â€œThank you, Fury Burds mayor!” the giant guild leader said. He took the kid’s scroll and stamped it.
    I stood there like an idiot.
    The Nest was a small, gray brick room that smelled like dead grass. A half wall divided the far wall in two, with four bunks on each side. On the right side of the wall was a punching bag and a crafts table. On the left was a workstation and theactivity chest. Above the half wall was a small, barred window that looked over desert dunes and a pale sky. A bird-themed clock above the door said it was a quarter after canary—5:13.
    Four days to earn a million points.
    The guild leader’s hand thunked down onto my shoulder. “Let’s start guild therapy, shall we?”
    I nodded, like what he’d said was perfectly normal, and joined the circle of chairs. The small kid immediately sat next to me. The two girls also sat, holding circles of wood that framed perforated pieces of cloth. The fluorescents flickered on the dead-fish gray of the walls. I needed a Red Bull.
    â€œGreetings, players!” the guild leader said. His voice was so big and warm that for a moment it felt like we were gathered around a crackling hearth in Azeroth. Y’know, as opposed to being in a gray-brick jail cell. “We have a new player joining us today. Greetings, Miles!”
    I gave the guild a flat smile and a small wave.
    Earlier I had failed to convince G-man that I was a healthy or good person. I needed a new tactic. When you find yourself in a dungeon that’s too high-level, you remain stealthy. You memorize the layout of the passages and study the enemies’ movements from the shadows while searching for a way to get the hell out.
    â€œNormally,” the guild leader said, “we would have guild therapy during this block, but because it’s Sunday, we’re a little more relaxed, and I can give you a proper welcome.” He gestured around the circle. “I want you to get to know yourguildmates. You’ll be pretty close with these guys for the next few weeks.”
    Not if I could help it.
    Going clockwise from my chair were the two girls—a larger Asian with short shiny black hair, and a girl with dark skin, her hair bleached white. Then there was the giant guild leader, and finally, the small kid and me. The kid was sitting so close, I could feel him breathing.
    â€œI’ll begin,” the guild leader said. “They call me Fezzik. I’m a very nice man, but I’m also a giant. Heh. Guess I don’t have to tell you that part.”
    The bigger girl raised her hand. “Do we have to listen to this