Dads: A gay couple's surrogacy journey in India by Hans M. Hirschi Read Free Book Online

We have done everything to be good citizens of our society, yet we have been screwed by that very society every step of the way. You have no idea how deeply rooted homophobia still is in Swedish society. While it looks all happy and cheerful on the surface, underneath it, people are still stuck to their fears, just as they are still afraid of “gypsies,” “niggers,” and “jews,” and that hurts like hell.
     

    Ever since I had to leave this boy behind in an orphanage in Romania,
    I have felt strongly for kids who fared badly in their early lives. That visit has impacted more strongly on me than anything else in my life.

 

June 10, 2012: Surrogacy: status report...
     
    Dear child,
     
    It's been a while since I wrote about our progress here. There are good reasons, as the “worst” is behind us, at least in terms of administration to get things underway.
    Yet, there were a few things this week that might make for interesting reading and I really want to make sure to keep this record for you, but also for others who go through the same process…
    Earlier this week, the head of the clinic contacted me about my blood work, saying he hadn't received it. So I did resend it. I ended up re-sending it twice before we realized that the paperwork I received from my doctor here was completely different than what they had given Alex. This led to an e-mail being sent with questions from India to my physician, with replies I never saw… At least things were cleared up.
    Two days ago, we went back into the catalogue to pick the surrogate mother. This has to be done at precisely the right moment to make sure she is 'ready' for her cycle at the time the embryos need to be implanted.
    Your father and I decided to go for an experienced surrogate, one who has already gone through the process. I'm no expert in terms of pre-natal care, but I do know this: we learn from the moment we are conceived. Therefore, we want to make sure you have the best care even during those nine important months prior to making a public appearance.
    The clinic obviously cares about the surrogate's overall health, nutrition, etc. They make sure she doesn't do drugs, smoke or drink while you are in her womb. But that is only the beginning. We know today that small babies are heavily influenced by their mother's psychological well-being during pregnancy, how calm she is, how communicative she is, etc. Therefore, having an experienced surrogate hopefully increases the chance of less stress (as she knows the process) and a more relaxed approach to the nine months. Hopefully, all in an effort to provide you with the best possible start.
    Later in the week, we suffered from a setback. I received an e-mail from the clinic stating that your mother had exams during the week she was to donate the eggs and we've now postponed the procedure by a couple of weeks. After talking to the clinic, that means there is no difference in chance to conceive, even if I fly to Mumbai as planned early in July and they do the IVF treatment based on frozen sperm. Oh well… What do I know?
     

    Your great grandmother was born 1913.
    Will you be born 100 years after her?
     
    Looks like the likelihood increases that you'll be born in May 2013, which is exactly 100 years after your great grandmother, the gypsy. Given your common ties to India, this may just be a coincidence, but a nice one!
    With this delay, our choice of surrogate falls by the wayside and we have to do it again in ten days, while in the USA. Given that other “intended parents” (the clinic's name for the likes of your father and me) also need to choose surrogates, we may very well end up losing our choice to someone who needs to decide earlier. On the other hand, other surrogates may become available… Who knows what will happen?
    You know, I've stopped questioning and attempting to control/fight the process. I think it's much more smooth if we just continue to do as we're told and save our energy for other