Deeper Water by Jessie Cole Read Free Book Online

silly.’
    Once I’d got the knots out, Sophie went right under the water and shook her head from side to side. Her eyes were squeezed shut, small bubbles of air hanging about her nostrils. I wanted to see if her spirals would stay curled under water, but it was hard to tell. Watching her through the screen of the water was like peering into another realm. She resurfaced and lay there a minute, resting her head on the bath rim. I had always watched Sophie like a hawk, but I wouldn’t like it if she examined me that way. When you’re the youngest in a big family, you can get away with being unseen. It was what I liked best about being Baby-girl. Luckily, Sophie never seemed to mind me staring at her.
    Mum burst in then, the baby on her hip and a wooden spoon in her other hand.
    ‘Rory’s helping me cook,’ she said, pushing her hair off her forehead with the back of her hand. ‘You’ll need to take bubs.’
    I reached out and she handed me the baby. Lila was the baby’s name, but none of us called her that. She wasn’t really a person yet, I guess, and the name just sounded odd. She was wriggly on my lap, and I knew she’d start bellowing soon.
    ‘Shall we put her in the bath? She’s a bit sticky.’
    I leaned down and sniffed her head. Little babies have that smell. It builds up fast. A kind of cheesy, clammy smell, especially in summer.
    ‘Yeah, strip her off and hand her over.’
    I untangled Lila from her clothes and pulled her nappy off. The closer to naked she got, the stiffer her body—like the clothes had given her something to relax into. I was used to the way babies worked, after Rory. I wasn’t worried I would hurt her. Even though Lila was delicate, she didn’t seem otherworldly. She seemed hardy, like an animal, I guess.
    Sophie sat up and I passed Lila over. Instantly the baby snuffled around for Sophie’s breast, making little grunting sounds. Sophie squeezed her nipple between her fingers, guiding it towards the baby’s mouth. When Lila finally got it, the sound of her gulping milk echoed around the bathroom.
    ‘You’d think she was starving,’ Sophie said. ‘Funny little gutso.’
    ‘Yeah, Rory was a more refined eater at that age, remember?’ It was true. Rory had breastfed quietly, like it was a dainty, private matter.
    ‘I know and look at him now.’
    She was quiet a minute, then she looked up at me. ‘Poor little buggers, Mema. Like the rest of us. No dad.’
    Sophie had never spoken much about her fella. Before or after he left. Like it was a terrain not fit for words.
    ‘It’s not so bad. We’re alright, aren’t we?’
    ‘Speak for yourself.’
    The baby was pointing her little toes and then flexing them again. Sophie held them together lightly between her legs, and then it looked like the baby was nudging to get back in. Nudging with her toes to go back where she came from.
    ‘I still can’t believe she came out of there,’ I said.
    ‘You always say that.’
    ‘Well, it’s not self-explanatory.’
    Yesterday I’d watched Bessie’s calf being born, but the whole thing still seemed like a mystery.
    ‘Mema, ever since you were little you’ve wanted to know everything about babies. You’re never going to know if you never have sex.’
    It had become a bit of a joke in my family that I’d never get around to doing it. ‘So you keep saying.’
    ‘You should give Billy a go.’
    Billy was a young bloke in town who’d asked me out once a couple of months back. An old friend of Sunny’s. He did odd jobs and maintenance stuff for the council and he was often working on the road. We’d always known each other, just from living in the same place, but I’d never paid him much heed. Then I happened upon him on one of my walks and he called out to me—‘Hey, Mema!’ He was working on someone’s land, chopping down a tree, all sweaty and covered in wood dust. ‘What’s three foot long and fucks a chook?’ This question startled me. It came out of nowhere. I just