Dying to Be Me by Anita Moorjani Read Free Book Online

normally attracted to sales and distribution, but was excited mainly because of the potential for travel and independence.
    “Well done, Beta! I knew you would get it!” My father beamed proudly as he turned to face me. “Tell me all about it. When do you start? Who do you report to? What are your responsibilities?”
    “I start on the first of next month. I’m so excited! I’ll be reporting to the regional export manager. The position holds great future potential. If I can prove myself to my boss and help him exceed his targets, they’ll give me some territories to handle independently.”
    “What does that mean?” my father asked, now looking a little less enthusiastic.
    “It means that there’s a huge possibility that I may get to travel all around the region!”
    “Although I’m really proud of you, darling,” my father said, “I want you to remember that this is only something to pass the time until you find a husband. I don’t want you to be so involved in your career that you become too independent to get married! Your mother and I are still hoping to find the perfect match for you.”
    “Aw, Dad—don’t spoil my moment! I’m really excited about this position!”
    “Yes, I know,” he said. “Well, you never can tell, these days some husbands don’t mind their wives having jobs. I just don’t want you to get disappointed later if your future husband doesn’t approve of your work and travel, that’s all. But you’re right—let’s not think of the future right now. Today, let’s celebrate your success!”
    “Where’s Mum? I want to tell her the good news. Then I want to take you both out for dinner—my treat!” I called out as I left the room to phone Anoop and share my good news with him.
    At last things were starting to work out for me. I was beginning to gain independence both financially and socially.
    O VER THE YEARS, ALTHOUGH MY PARENTS continued attempting to arrange matches for me, they slowly began to realize that they were fighting a losing battle.
    Their attempts frustrated me somewhat because they still didn’t understand that within the confines of our culture, I wasn’t considered typical; and my reputation was tarnished because of the broken engagement. I was aware that people from my culture thought of me as strong-minded, rebellious, idealistic, stubborn, and opinionated—all of which were not desirable traits for a woman. Despite all this, my parents continued to hold out hope that if they introduced me to the right man, I’d change for him and become more domesticated.
    In the meantime, my career at the French company had taken off, and my position required me to visit neighboring cities. Although still living at home with my parents when I was in Hong Kong, the traveling allowed me a level of freedom and independence that I enjoyed and appreciated, and it gave me the opportunity to meet all kinds of people from all walks of life. Slowly, I started to feel good about life again. In fact, I felt happy, popular, and successful, when I was outside the confines of my culture. I loved this side of my life—the people in it, my work, and the travel involved. The role of a traditional Indian housewife held no appeal for me at all. That was the furthest thing from my mind, and I could see no benefit to giving up what I had, so I continued to dissuade my parents’ attempts at finding the perfect mate for me.
    But in the back of my mind, I always carried the feeling of being inadequate in some way. I felt that I’d failed or not achieved the standard expected of me. This nagging voice followed me everywhere, making sure that I never felt quite good enough or deserving enough. I was somehow damaged goods…or flawed …
    O NE DAY IN LATE 1992, QUITE UNEXPECTEDLY , I met the man who’d eventually become my husband, although at first I didn’t believe that he was the perfect man for me. We met by chance one evening through someone with whom we were both acquainted.
    “Do