e Squared by Matt Beaumont Read Free Book Online Page B

of a battering.
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    From: Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier
    To: Liam O’Keefe
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 11.17
    Subject: Re: Interns?
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    FYI, Ted’s Cayenne is covered in mud after his orienteering trip yesterday. He has to drive to a client meeting this afternoon and it needs to be clean. Therefore the job of washing it is work- related and is a perfectly reasonable thing to ask a work-experience person to do.
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    Also FYI, I didn’t like your attitude when we worked together at Miller Shanks and I don’t like it anymore now. I’ll thank you not to continue sending snide all-staffers.
    Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier
    Assistant to Ted Berry
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    From: Liam O’Keefe
    To: Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 11.23
    Subject: Re: Interns?
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    Don’t think my e-mail mentioned Ted’s car, but since you have, why does a certified midget need one big enough to carry the entire Serbian basketball squad? Have you ever seen the Serbian basketball squad? They’re like a copse of extremely lanky elms.
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    Anyway, I think car-washing makes an excellent entry on any undergrad’s CV. Bound to land him/her that top job at McKinsey/Goldman Sachs/NASA. Shit, I’d do it myself if I didn’t have an important Esmée Éloge product-recall ad to do. Do you reckon Ted will be happy with a few ideas for guerrilla street happenings or is he looking for something more left field?
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    From: Liam O’Keefe
    To: Kirsten Richardson
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 11.25
    Subject: feeling shite
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    You available to pick me up with a therapeutic tease? I’m thinking quick wash ‘n’ trim, but I’m happy to be your plaything.
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    From: Kirsten Richardson
    To: Liam O’Keefe
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 11.28
    Subject: Re: feeling shite
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    I’m about to do some remedial work on Ted’s split ends, but I’m free after that. About 1.00? You haven’t got much to play with, have you? No. 2 again?
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    From: Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier
    To: Milton Keane
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 11.33
    Subject: Help!
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    Just had a really unsettling e-mail from Liam in creative. I think he was being ironic, but it’s so hard to tell. Need to discuss. Starbucks in 5?
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    From: Milton Keane
    To: Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 11.34
    Subject: Re: Help!
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    Cazza’s out so I’m free right now. Starbucks in 2!
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    From: Sally Wilton
    To: David Crutton
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 11.38
    Subject: Office Audit
    Att: inventory_jan09.xls
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    Dear David
    Â 
    I have completed the audit of office furniture and equipment that you actioned prior to Christmas. Everything is pretty much in order. We appear to be slightly over-inventorized on copiers and scanners, but otherwise OK. Stationery stocks are running at adequate levels, assuming current levels of staffing are maintained. You can view a full breakdown on the attached spreadsheet.
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    I did come across a couple of anomalies. A Wii console and remote, three Wii games and two leather-upholstered beanbags appear to be missing from the new Creative Romper Room. Let me know if you wish me to investigate further.
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    Best wishes,

    PS: Is there anything we can do to amend our job titles? Personally, I’d be more comfortable with Office Administrator.
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    From: Janice Crutton
    To: David Crutton
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 11.40
    Subject: Re: Sorry. Again
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    Well?
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    From: David Crutton
    To: Janice Crutton
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 11.41
    Subject: Re: Sorry. Again
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    Well what?
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    From: Janice Crutton
    To: David Crutton
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 11.43
    Subject: Re: Sorry. Again
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    Over half an hour ago I told you I’m pregnant. No response. What the hell have you been doing? I’m going out of my mind here.
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    From: David Crutton
    To: Janice Crutton
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 11.45
    Subject: Re: Sorry. Again
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    I’m staggered, to be honest. How long have you known? When were