East Fortune by James Runcie Read Free Book Online Page A

toys all over Edinburgh, crying out for food, wriggling to escape their confined spaces. Elder children threw tantrums on the floors of bookshops, or raced ahead towards traffic, or stood in the middle of a shopping centre refusing to go home. In the supermarkets mothers loaded their trolleys with nappies, toilet paper, kitchen rolls, baby powder, bottles and sterilising equipment. Krystyna did not think she had ever seen so many children. Did the world need another child? Would she really have to go through all this?
    She took long baths at night. She kept topping up the hot water, letting it spread across her belly.
    How soon would she start to show and what should she expect? A swollen stomach, tender breasts, discomfort, backache. She thought of the clothes she would have to wear, smocks and skirts with elasticised waists and accommodating tops. There would be so much to buy: cribs and mobiles and nappies and food, and she would have to work even more hours to support the two of them. At least as a cleaner she could take the baby with her.
    She realised that she was imagining she had a child already. It was easier than the alternative.
    She stepped out of the bath and began to towel herself dry, more aggressively than she had intended.
    She tried to picture the future, alternating the days on which she imagined she had a son, Adam, or a daughter, Carolina, and the days on which she had no child at all. But on those days she missed her previous conceptions, her Adam, or her Carolina. It was as if they had already been born, had lived and were lost to her.
    The days on which she imagined having a child became more common, easier to live with, although she worried how much it would inherit from Sandy, especially if the child was a boy.
    How much would he look like him? Would he be a permanent reminder of all that had happened, or would he be an act of grace, a kind of redemption?
    She saw Jack again. He had sought her out of guilt. She worried that at some point she would have to make it clear that it was only ever going to be a friendship. She didn’t want any misunderstanding. But neither did she want to make any assumptions or be rude.
    They climbed Calton Hill. It was Krystyna’s nearest walk and she had been up most weekends when she was with Sandy. Going on her own, and now with Jack, was a means of reclaiming it for herself.
    It was a hot, dry day, which made the climb seem steeper. Already Krystyna thought how much more difficult it was going to be if she maintained her pregnancy.
    After they had reached the top they looked down towards Princes Street and out to the silhouette of the Old Town. It was a view that made the city seem more European than it did on the ground. The Castle reminded Krystyna of Prague, even of Kraków. They sat on the steps of the National Monument.
    â€˜It’s a long time since I’ve been here,’ said Jack. ‘It must be ten years…’
    â€˜And who were you with when you came?’
    â€˜I think I was on my own.’
    Krystyna looked at him.
    â€˜You know I don’t know anything about you. Where do you live? What do you do? What about your family?’
    â€˜Nothing very interesting. I’m a senior lecturer in Classics. I tendto work most of the time: teaching, translating. I don’t seem to do much else.’
    â€˜Have you always lived here?’
    â€˜More or less.’
    â€˜You were born here?’
    â€˜Yes.’
    â€˜So it is your home? You belong?’
    â€˜Yes, I suppose I do.’
    Krystyna noticed that Jack had not talked about his family.
    â€˜What is it like to be Scottish? Tell me.’
    â€˜It’s probably just as hard to explain what it’s like to be Polish. I don’t know.’
    â€˜What about your childhood?’
    â€˜It seems so long ago now.’
    â€˜Tell me.’
    â€˜You really want to know?’
    â€˜Of course.’
    Jack began to tell her about the parental home in East