Elemental Hunger by Elana Johnson Read Free Book Online

was tired enough to fall asleep despite the pain.
    When I woke up, my stomach was clawing itself inside out. I popped the lid on a can of soup, infused it with heat, and slurped it down.
    A window sat near the ceiling and sent fading light into the room. It reminded me of my dorm, of school. A pang of loneliness welled in my heart, along with a memory of Liz. But I couldn’t go there. I hadn’t been able to think about her in three months, and now wasn’t a good time to start.
    I stood, testing my weight on my feet and legs. My knee didn’t hurt, and my muscles unknotted as I moved. I went into the bathroom and put on my socks and shoes with minimal pain. I looked at myself in a dirty mirror. With the hat, the weathered T-shirts, the hoodie, and the long coat, no one would mistake me for Gabriella Kilpatrick.
    Yet my hair still streamed over my shoulders—a dead give-away that I wasn’t a boy.
    Somehow, I wanted to find a way to live as both a Firemaker and a girl. And be unashamed of it. “You want a different reality,” I said to my reflection.
    A crushing fist punched, punched against my chest. My lungs couldn’t expand properly. The walls of the house created a temporary prison. I squeezed my eyes shut against the blazing memories of my life in Crylon, trying to erase the hurt, the longing, the solitude I’d endured.
    Resentment filled the empty places inside, rising and overflowing until my throat constricted. I didn’t need Jarvis to save me, to select me for his Council. I would find the Elementals I needed and charter my own. I would experience the magic that would bind me to other Elementals. I would ensure my own survival and protection.
    To do all that, I had to lose the hair. I had to become someone else.
    After yanking off the knitted cap, I hacked at my hair with a stolen knife. The evidence of my transformation fell into the sink. When I finished, only half an inch of dirty-blonde fuzz remained on my head.
    I poured rusty water over my scalp, washing any stray hairs off my neck so it wouldn’t itch. Then I tucked the knife in the waistband of my jeans and pulled the hat and then my hood over my new masculine hairdo. I’d never been very feminine, but losing my hair seemed so final. Like I wasn’t really me anymore.
    Come to think of it, though, I hadn’t been me for a long time. Manifesting my firemaking Element had changed me, yet I’d continued pretending I was the Unmanifested Gabriella Kilpatrick who worked in the kitchens, serving dinner to Elementals.
    At least that burden had been lifted. But a new one had descended in its place.
    I had to learn to survive in an unknown world, beyond the security of Crylon’s walls. I had to learn how to act like I knew exactly what to do in any situation. See, Firemakers always did. Men always did.
    If I wanted to live, I had to pretend to be both.
    I pulled on the gloves as I left through the broken back door. Crouching at the corner of the house, I looked both ways into the dark silence.
    Despite the thumping of my heart inside a too-tight chest, I strode into the street and headed south. I trudged down the middle of a long-forgotten highway with half-melted snow and weathered signs.
    I wrapped one of the T-shirts around my neck to keep out the unrelenting wind. Even with the collar on the coat turned up, icy tendrils of air found their way down my back.
    It rained on and off for most of the next day. Bonus: The water cleared the snow from the asphalt. Double bonus: My lessons had been correct. The wilderness between cities was desolate, with only dilapidated buildings and miles of horizon. I hadn’t been allowed to take geography yet, and therefore had no idea how far I needed to go to find another city. I trudged on, determined to do what Educator Ostrund said couldn’t be done in the wilderness. Survive.
    When I felt like I couldn’t take another step, I ate one of the crunchy bars and melted a handful of snow to drink. I passed the occasional