End Game by Tabatha Wenzel Read Free Book Online Page A

with an almost awkward hug. It felt different to me. I
had hugged Zane a thousand times in my life and this one felt like
more. I didn’t know why. I knew, deep down, Zane didn’t want more
than friendship with me, and I was just trying to trust him as a
friend again. Could I be completely honest with myself and admit
that, as much as I hated him for leaving me, I wanted him to want
me? What does that make me?
    I was shaken out of my pity memory party when
my name was called. I guess I was about to spill all these thoughts
to my therapist. I stood up and it took everything in my power to
keep walking. As I walked through the doors to the office, I felt
like my life could be ending. What if this doctor thought I was
like my Mom? What would she find wrong with me? I kept walking,
because no matter what happened I wasn’t going to be her.

Chapter Eight
    “So, how was your first class?” Rayanne asks me as we
are walking to lunch.
    I asked Rayanne to come with Zane and I, so
it felt less like a date.
    “It was really good actually,” I replied.
    I am honestly surprised at how much I enjoyed
it. It was just an introduction to Sociology class but I think I
have finally figured out where I want my life to go.
    “I think it made me realize what I want to do
with my life,” I tell Rayanne.
    “That’s great Hannah. What did you decide?”
Rayanne asks me.
    “I think I am going to go into social work. I
want to help kids who come from homes like mine. If only one person
had seen that my mom or I needed help, then maybe I wouldn’t be in
therapy right now.”
    I cringe as I realize the two horrible things
I just said. First, I basically said that Rayanne and Aunt DeDe
weren’t there for me, and second, I just admitted to Rayanne that I
was seeing a therapist. Shit, Shit, Shit! How the fuck am I going
to explain this?
    “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean that you and
Aunt DeDe weren’t there for me. My mom and I did a great job at
hiding all the really bad stuff. Everything that you guys saw
wasn’t that bad. You had no way of knowing what she was doing and
saying to me when it was just her and I.”
    Rayanne stopped walking and looked at me. I
couldn’t believe what I saw when I looked at her. She had tears in
her eyes. Never in my entire life have I seen Rayanne cry. She has
had her heart broken and bones broken and I never saw a tear. I was
always pretty sure that she cried when she was alone. There were a
few times, when I would come into her room, and you could tell she
had been crying. I never pushed, because if she didn’t want to tell
me what she was crying over, then it wasn’t my place to push. It
was wrong. I should have pushed. That is what real friends do, even
if they won’t like the answer. I am going to make a conscience
effort to do that. From now on I am going to push. If I want her
there for me I need to be there for her.
    “Hannah, I am so fucking sorry that I never
saw anything. I honestly think I did but ignored it. I was scared.
I was always afraid of her. The things she would say and call me. I
can only imagine what she called you. I am so sorry. I let my fear
of her cloud what I should have done for you. Can you ever forgive
me?”
    “Of course I can! I think the truth is we
both put up walls around each other. I don’t want that. You are my
sister no matter what. I want us to be there for each other,
always. I am going to be working so damn hard to be a better
version of myself,” I told her.
    “Is that why you are seeing the therapist?”
she asked.
    “Yes, it is. I want to be open and happy. I
don’t want to be her. Even if, someday, I do become bipolar I want
to do it right. I want to have the tools to deal with things. But,
most of all, I want to believe that I am loveable. I even question
you loving me. I hate myself for that.”
    I am crying at this point, and Rayanne has
pulled me to a bench in the park, near the restaurant we are
meeting Zane at.
    “Don’t ever question that,