End Game by Tabatha Wenzel Read Free Book Online

don’t want Zane to know
that right now. I am going to try with him, but I still need to
keep some things separate from him.
     
    “I have a nine o’clock class tomorrow,” I
tell him, which is actually the time of my therapy session.
    “Okay, so no coffee after the run, but how
about lunch?” He asks me.
    I so badly want to go with him, but I know I
have to make him work for me to trust him again. I do the only
thing I know how to do when it comes to Zane. I say yes. On one
hand, that makes me feel sad and pathetic, but on the other, it
also makes me feel so happy. We spent the next few minutes talking
about where we should meet up in the morning.
    Zane is standing in front of the door to
leave, and I am next to him holding the door open. He leans into my
ear and whispers, “End game, Hannah.”
    “What does that mean, Zane?” I ask him. My
voice doesn’t even sound like my own. It sounds husky and sexy, and
in all honesty, I had no clue it could sound like this.
    “I know what it means, and you will too when
I can tell you everything. Just know that it means I won’t ever
give up.”
    “Okay,” I whisper back. Our lips are so close
together I can feel his hot breathe on my face. Never in my whole
life, even with all the times Zane laid in bed with me, have I felt
such an unbelievable sexual pull to this man. The funny thing is it
isn’t just from me. I can feel it from him. I don’t know what to
think at this moment. I am so excited that I can feel the desire
from him, but I am also pissed off at it. How come I wasn’t good
enough when I was bigger?
    “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I tell him as I
close the door. I don’t even give him a chance to say goodbye to
me. I just can’t. I don’t think I had it in me to not kiss him.
Look at me, one kiss down, and now I don’t think I have it in me to
not jump a guy. I say that is some progress, I guess. Maybe I don’t
need therapy, but then I remember my journal. I don’t think it’s
healthy to keep a “Was anything I did crazy?” journal. I put on a
good front for Rayanne, but there is a part of me that is really
scared of turning into my mother. Well, guess I can save these
thoughts for my therapist tomorrow.

Chapter Seven
    Sitting at the doctor’s office, waiting for my
appointment, all I could think about was my run with Zane this
morning. He showed up right on time. We ran about 3 miles, and Zane
asked a lot of questions. He wanted to know how I started to lose
weight.
    I told him the truth, how at first it was
because of him, and what he did. Then, after the first twenty
pounds or so, I realized I liked having that control. I lacked so
much control in my life. The fear of my mother was always my
driving force for everything I did, and I enjoyed something that
wasn’t about her. It was about me, and she couldn’t take my losing
weight away from me.
    The name-calling actually got worse with
every pound I lost. All I heard was how I was going to turn into a
slut, like my Aunt DeDe, and I must think I am so much better than
her because I was losing weight. The best was how she told me, no
matter how much I lost, Zane would never want me, because I was
ugly through and through. She told me I looked like my father, and
no matter what I did I would be shit faced ugly.
    As I was telling this to Zane, it was almost
like I forgot he was there and just kept going, until he stopped me
by grabbing my hand.
    “You know that nothing she says is true.”
    I nodded at him, but I didn’t answer or look
at his eyes. If he saw my eyes he would have known I was lying. I
believed everything that woman told me, and even more after he
left. I keep my pain so deep inside me that sometimes I can pretend
it isn’t there, except when I lay in bed at night. The pain and
fear of being so unwanted and unlovable keeps me awake, in a
constant state of panic.
    Before I knew it, Zane and I had ended up
back in front of my apartment building. We said our goodbyes to
each other