Faith and Fidelity by Tere Michaels Read Free Book Online Page A

and down. Up and down.
    “I can't, I can't, I can't... ” Now he was crying.
    Matt moved up Evan's arm to his shoulder. To the back of his head. Thank God it was dark because he didn't want to see what he was doing. He just wanted to pretend this was a dream.
    “Shhh.”
    Matt touched his hair, soft under his fingers. The sobs slowed down to deep, wet breaths. He squeezed the back of Evan's neck softly, sweeping his thumb against the skin. Heard the sigh that Evan made, which sent a hot thrill through Matt's body.
    This wasn't a dream. Matt's hand stilled. Oh God. This was going too far. Matt pulled away and the silence swallowed him up. He waited one beat, two. Ten.
    “Thanks, Matt.” Evan's voice came through the darkness. It sounded like a death rattle. “I'm just so fucking tired. I want to go to sleep.”
    “Lie down.” Matt reached out and helped Evan back under the covers. “I'm going to sit here okay? Close your eyes.”
    More silence. Then a sigh. “Don't leave.”
    “I won't.”
    Matt settled onto the side of the bed where Evan wasn't. His chest hurt like hell. His fingers burned.
    “I... I... ”
    “What Evan?”
    “I don't mind that you touched me that way. I'm sorry.”
    Matt sighed. “Why would you have to be sorry?”
    “I shouldn't feel that way.”
    Welcome to the fucking club.
    “Evan, go to sleep. Let's not talk about this now.”
    “Why did you touch me like that?”
    God. Please. Not. Now.
    “Go to sleep, Evan. Please. I can't do this right now.”
    “Are we still friends, Matt?”
    “Of course we are. Now go to sleep.”
    Evan took his advice and stopped talking, for which Matt was eternally grateful. He laid next to him, listening to him breathe. Listening to the snowplows. Wondering how the hell they were going to face one another in the morning.
    And all Matt kept hearing in his head was Evan whispering, “I don't mind that you touched me that way.” Over and over and over again.

Chapter Four

    Evan woke up promptly at six o'clock; hadn't needed an alarm clock since the Marines. For a second he was disoriented. After not sleeping in his bed for almost a year, it felt odd to wake up on a mattress... and with someone next to him. Matt. Last night came flooding back, with a painful impact on Evan's chest as he remembered what had happened.
    Well, shit.
    He slid out of bed, giving a glance to where Matt lay sleeping, one arm thrown over his eyes. The weak light of a wintry morning cast a pale line across the bottom half of Matt's face, set in a slight frown.
    Moving slowly, stiffly, Evan gathered his clothes from the closet and walked into the bathroom. He didn't want to wake Matt up, didn't want to have to face him. Things had gotten completely out of hand last night and Evan felt awful.
    They'd never really discussed sex— strange, as men he'd think it'd be the first thing. But that was fine with Evan because his contribution was short and sweet. He'd heard about Matt's rep— hell, seen his reaction to women like Helena— it never crossed his mind that Matt also liked men. Liked him.
    Suddenly so much made sense. The looks he'd caught out of the corner of his eye. The way Matt would pull his chair close during their weekly beer-and-bitch sessions. Last night. Evan's nightmare had drawn Matt into the room, his desperation and anguish had caused him to reach out.

    * * * *

    Evan stepped into the shower and let the hot water scald his skin. He couldn't believe how things had gone wrong. His friendship with Matt had grown very important to him; he'd come to depend on it. And now it was all going to dissolve into awkwardness.
    Awkward because Matt might be expecting their relationship to... progress. Awkward because Evan had told him he didn't mind the touching, which was the God's honest truth. It was a lifeline to feel Matt's hands on his arm, his shoulder, in his hair. A shiver raced over Evan's skin. The steam blinded him for a second and he leaned both hands against the tiles.