Fashionably Dead in Diapers by Robyn Peterman Read Free Book Online

to enjoy my baby without the added worry of knowing what he was to become. However, with all the conjuring and pigment changing not to mention the alarming growth spurts and the early language skills…I needed to know what everyone else did. To raise my son I now needed to know what his destiny would be. I simply wanted my child to be happy.
     
    My wish for Sammy was for him to be compassionate, kind and good. I wanted to raise a man who would be happy and have a fulfilling life and not live in my basement after college. Hell, who was I kidding? I needed to raise someone who could kick some ass and take no prisoners. He would never be able to go to a normal school no matter how much I wished that for him. He was not normal and neither were we. I just prayed he wasn't slated to save the world or some heinous shit like that.
     
    "Daddy," Samuel squealed as he tried to wriggle out of his pajamas. "Do you want Penus skin? Me can give you and Mommy Penus skin!"
     
    "No, little man." Ethan chuckled and pulled his child close. "However, it might be nice if you gave your Uncle Satan blue skin tomorrow. He would love that."
     
    The gasps in the room were hilarious. My Vampyre was evil to the core…I bit my lip to keep from screaming or laughing. Satan would look awesome as a Smurf. I needed to make sure my phone was charged so I could get some good blackmail shots. Tomorrow was going to be a shit show of epic proportions. There was no telling how everyone would react to my new rules concerning my child. There was sure to be yelling and violence. Just as long as no one died it would be a success. Fuckityfuckfuck, I was not looking forward to tomorrow. Blue and purple relatives, screaming and fighting, swearing and bloodshed…
     
    Well, maybe I was looking a little forward to it.
     

Chapter 5
     
    Parenting books are useless if you're not human. If your child is half Vampyre/ half Demon we would suggest not using parenting books at all—they can backfire like a motherfucker. We wish you luck and…well, luck.
     
    "We have an hour," Ethan said as he slid into his Hugo Boss blazer.
     
    He was such a beautiful man. I had to press my hands to my sides so I didn't run them over his chest or grab his asstastic butt. I always had the distinct urge to jump him and ride him blind. His sexy half smirk told me he knew exactly what I was thinking. I rolled my eyes and continued to dress. Too bad the Who's Who of the immortal world would be descending on us soon, leaving no time for nookie.
     
    "We could get in the car, be at the airport, and on a plane in that time. What do you say?" he inquired with a hopeful look in his eyes.
     
    "Where would we go?" I asked as I slipped on a pair of Prada stilettos that went perfectly with the classy black sheath I'd chosen and twisted my wild hair into a French braid.
     
    "I don't know…how about Russia? It's big and it would take them at least a month to find us if we play it smart," he said casually.
     
    "Russia is cold and Russian. I don't want to go there. How about Mars?"
     
    "No culture on Mars, not to mention the Portals to other galaxies are guarded by Trolls."
     
    "How is it that I didn't know about fucking Trolls and they've come up about five times in the last twenty-four hours?" I snapped. The stress of the upcoming family gathering was making me itchy. It wouldn't take much for me to unravel. "Wait. Could we actually go to Mars?"
     
    "Nope, even Vampyres can't survive on Mars."
     
    "Do aliens exist?" I asked as I pulled out a cute pair of pants and a shirt for Sammy. Thankfully, he was napping and hadn't had time to do much damage yet.
     
    Ethan rolled his eyes and snorted. "Aliens do not exist."
     
    "I don't know why that's funny. I'd prefer aliens to Gnomes, Trolls and Zombies."
     
    "Good point," he agreed. "I have to admit, I'm quite awed by The Kev. No one, not even a two-thousand-year-old Fairy should have lived through getting rid of that many Trolls and Gnomes.