Fashionably Dead in Diapers by Robyn Peterman Read Free Book Online Page A

Putting them in Purgatory was sheer brilliance."
     
    "I think Gemma helped," I said as I found some tiny green Converse tennis shoes for my boy.
     
    "No surprise there. She'll be as strong as he is very soon. You do realize that they'll have to go to Xanthia," he said as he picked up a sleeping Sammy and laid the confused child on the changing table.
     
    "They want her dead," I told him as I as I unzipped my baby from his sleeper. "I don't want her to go back there."
     
    "It's not our choice. She's their Queen and they've waited centuries for her."
     
    "Then they can wait longer…until The Kev says it's safe," I insisted. "I won't let her go if a bunch of fucking off their rocker Fairy freaks want to kill her. Period."
     
    "Fucking Fairy freaks," Sammy crowed and clapped his hands. "Me eat them!"
     
    I blanched as much as a pale Vampyre could and pulled a roll of duct tape out of the diaper bag. Slowly I ripped off a four-inch piece and slapped it over my foul mouth, much to my mate and son's delight.
     
    "Silly, silly Mommy," Sammy squealed. "You so funny."
     
    "Mommy is funny and we don't eat Fairies. Too chewy," Ethan said as he scooped up Sammy and put him on his shoulder. "Mommy is trying very hard to be a good girl, so we will support her new fashion statement and love her anyway. You got it?"
     
    "Me got it. Do Daddy want orange skin?"
     
    My muffled laughter under the tape earned me a glare from a highly unamused Vampyre. "No. No orange skin for Daddy. Not today, not ever."
     
    ***
     
    "Russia is sounding kind of good now," I whispered frantically to Ethan as the shrieks of my extended family filled the ballroom. Massive crystal chandeliers trembled and walls buckled. This was bad. I had a feeling Pompeii would be considered mild compared to what was going down today.
     
    Satan was blue and Grandpa was orange. The Angel of Death, Hayden, and his mate Dixie were a lovely teal. Elijah, the Angel of Light and the woman he wanted to be his mate, Lucy, were lime green. Pam and Ethan's father, the King, were a hot pink, but The Kev and Gemma were the worst—they sported neon purple skin. Strangely the Baby Demons were red like they always were and pouted loudly at the unfairness. They were lobbying for yellow. However, Mother Nature won the prize…she was full on rainbow and was not pleased.
     
    "Everyone calm down," I shouted to deaf ears.
     
    I watched in horror as priceless paintings fell off the walls and crashed to the ground. Satan's displeasure had started a fire in the corner of the room and trees began exploding through the marble floor thanks to Mother Nature. A full on zoo of animals wandered aimlessly through the melee. I wasn’t sure if that was Mother Nature's doing or my son's. Whatever. It had to stop.
     
    Shoving Sammy into Ethan's arms, I shut my eyes and concentrated. Black glitter mist covered my arms and my chest and magic engulfed me. My hair pulled loose from its braid and swirled wildly around my head. I stamped my foot twice, raised my arms above my head and screamed. Water poured from the ceiling and doused the fire as sparkling silver gilded cages dropped around the animals—thankfully right before the lions offed the monkeys.
     
    A violent wind blew and trapped my family and friends in a funnel, lifting them all off the ground and tossing them haphazardly around the room. It came up so fast no one had time to counteract it with magic. I grinned as I watched Mother Nature swat at her son, Satan. I considered simply grabbing Ethan and Samuel and leaving, but the payback for this would be a bitch and then some. Flicking my fingers, I let the wind die down and placed all of my family gently on the couches and chairs. However, everyone was mute—mute as in I temporarily stole their voice boxes. I needed to talk and that was the only way to get a word in with this bunch.
     
    "Alrighty then, welcome to my house that you all just royally fucked up. Sammy, turn everyone's skin