Fat Chance by Brandi Kennedy Read Free Book Online

her pen in her notebook, and she barely mutters agreement before hanging up. I laugh to myself, because I can just imagine her sitting there, lost in her own little world. I can only imagine the length of the party-plans list.
     
    Spearing a piece of grilled chicken from my salad, I swipe it through the little cup of ranch dressing I've got on the side of my plate. Two really snarky girls that work on the other side of the call center are in the breakroom too, at the next table, so I want to eat quickly and get out of here. Their backs are turned to me, but their chatter is probably much louder than it ought to be, considering the subject of their conversation.
     
    "I don't know, I don't think I could stand it. I mean, ew," Kayla says, flipping her vibrant red hair over her shoulder as she gazes into the mirror of her compact. I can't see her face, but I can imagine her batting her blue eyes at herself, slicking her lips with that shimmer stuff she wears all the time. That girl takes "confident" to the extreme, and her little friend sitting there next to her is just as bad.
     
    "Me either," Claire answers, her neat white teeth taking the end off of a candy bar. "I mean, really, I couldn't believe it either. How can she stand to shop for herself? I bet it takes a magic girdle to make anything fit. It's gross; I think I'd rather be dead than to be fat."
     
    My fork freezes in mid-air, and a little piece of shredded cheddar slips away from the spinach I've just picked up. Are they talking about me? Maybe they aren't. Who knows? Maybe they are. Suddenly, I'm nauseated, and I can feel rage coming up fast inside of me.
     
    Who do they think they are? What makes them better than I am? Is it the size of their waists, that theirs are so much smaller than mine? Or is it the fact that I've never seen either of them eat anything more than a variety of chocolates while I eat as healthy as I can afford to, and yet I am the fat one?
     
    It's on the tip of my tongue to stand up and say something, but I don't know what to say, I'm so shocked and embarrassed. All I know is, I've lost my appetite, and I am really wondering if I'm going to be sick. Sometimes anger does that to me. Throwing the rest of my lunch in the garbage, I race for the ladies room.
     
    I step into the room, wrinkling my nose at that typical public bathroom smell. It's not as bad as it's been before, but there's just a faint undertone of urine and other nastiness, laced with lavender and something else that only makes the smell worse.
     
    I'm feeling low now; I feel fat and gross and unattractive. I just keep hearing Claire in my head, this horrible girl that has Jackson so enamored. My Jackson , the guy I've liked for forever, sweet kind Jackson. And Claire is the kind of girl he likes, nasty and vulgar as she is. I'm pretty sure the pedestal he used to be on just crumbled out from under him, under the weight of his girlfriend's big ego.
     
    "I'd rather be dead than be fat," she'd said.
     
    Walking into a stall, I wonder if I have the power to starve myself thin, to just stop eating altogether until I am whatever size society requires. What size is it, I wonder, that takes me from being seen as a lazy slob who can't stop eating, and turns me into just a regular normal woman like all the others?
     
    I can't starve myself thin. I know I can't, it's too unhealthy, and even though I know it would work eventually, I also know that I'd be killing myself slowly, denying my body even the basic nutrients. I'd be destroying my digestive system, my bones, and my organs.
     
    "I'd rather be dead than be fat."
     
    What about bulimia? If I eat and then throw up, I can still lose weight, and it would happen pretty quickly, too. I can eat anything I want, just like other women. I can eat candy for lunch, like Claire and her stupid friend, Kayla.
     
    My health class knowledge from high school rises up in my memory. Is it really worth ruining my esophagus and my teeth just to be