Finding Me by Michelle Knight, Michelle Burford Read Free Book Online

night, the three of us did our runs; by day, we functioned like a little family. We played pool, pinball, and cards in Sniper’s basement, laughing until our sides ached. I helped Roderick with his accent (like me, he couldn’t pronounce certain words), and he snickered every time I called him by the nickname I gave to him—Flower. Because of his culture, Roderick was a virgin. He would always tell me, “I’m going to save myself for the prettiest girl in the world!” He was such a sweet guy.
    Roderick and I hung out every day, but there was never a romantic spark between us. He was like a brother to me. In fact, when I told him I was part Arabic, he gave me a special gift. “This is a scarf that my mother left with me,” he said. He held up a pretty blue hijab, a head covering that traditional Muslim women wear. “In my culture, when a girl starts her period, she is given this scarf. You’re my sister now, so I want to give it to you.” I ducked my head down so he could drape the scarf over my hair. “Thank you, Flower,” I said, and we both blushed a little.
    In exchange for our services, Sniper gave Roderick and me a place to live and a portion of his profits. The two of us usually ended up with about $300 in cash every week. We dipped into our stash to pay Sniper when he got groceries or bought us a couple of six-packs. (Sniper never let us have drugs because he insisted that you couldn’t run a great drug business if you became a druggie. But we did have our share of liquor!)
    I knew the drugs we sold and delivered were making people’s lives a big mess. But as much as I hated handing out weed and going to scary places, I didn’t hate that as much as I did the terrible fear and loneliness. And depression. And hours spent drawing wolves and blue skies while shivering inside a plastic garbage can. For the first time in my life I actually felt important. Even loved.
    A few weeks later Sniper got busted by the cops not too far from his house. Roderick, who had been with him, managed to get away without the cops seeing him.
    “We’ve gotta clear out of here fast!” Roderick told me once he raced back home. In less than fifteen minutes I stuffed everything I could find into my purple backpack. I pulled on my shoes and coat, grabbed a teddy bear that Sniper had bought me, and dashed out the front door without even locking it.
    We had nowhere else to go—so I took Roderick back under the bridge with me. Believe it or not, my trash can was still there. “Nice bedroom, Chapo,” he said, kicking the side of the bin. “But you know I can’t sleep in there with you—you’re a girl.” In his culture sharing a bed with a girl you weren’t married to would be considered disrespectful and even scandalous. Never mind that he’d been wielding guns and selling marijuana for months.
    That same day Roderick swiped his own garbage bin. His can had no lid. He placed his bin right next to mine, spread out his own blanket, and climbed inside. Roderick was at least five foot six, so his legs hung out farther over the edge than mine did.
    Although we had enough cash between us to split the first month’s rent on a small apartment, we wanted to hold on to our money for the time being. “Let’s just stay here for awhile until we can figure out what to do,” Roderick said. I quickly agreed.
    One evening not even two weeks later, I crawled out of my trash can and made my way up the grassy hill. Roderick followed behind me. I wanted to return to the Baptist church and see if they were still serving meals. I also wanted Arsenio to meet Roderick. Just as I was coming out of our hiding place, on the street above I spotted a woman I recognized. She was a friend of my parents, and I was sure she’d gotten a look at my face. Damn .
    I tried to back up, but Roderick was right behind me, and I didn’t want to sock him square in the face with my foot. “Hey, Michelle!” the woman yelled out. “Hey, come back here, girl!”
    I