Finding Me Again by Amber Garza Read Free Book Online Page A

grass and work up the courage to tell her.
    “Do you remember how I got sick right after graduation?” I ask her.
    “Oh, yeah. Vaguely. You said you had the flu or something. I didn’t see you for like a week.” Her gaze flickers to mine. “You were so worried about giving it to me , and you didn’t want it to ruin my summer.”
    “I didn’t really have the flu,” I confess, staring out across the street. A car drives by slowly and I watch it until it disappears around the corner.
    “Then what were you doing?” I hear the hurt in her voice.  I can tell she feels betrayed. We never lied to each other, so I get how she feels.
    “I started to not feel good, but it was not like a normal sickness. I just felt really achy, and sometimes it was hard to move my body, almost like my joints wouldn’t work, like I was paralyzed. A couple of times I even felt dizzy and my vision was sort of blurred. It scared the shit out of me. I told my mom, and she took me to the doctor.” As the memories flood me, I feel kind of sick. “The doctors had no idea what was going on, and they were throwing around words like MS, cancer, tumors. It was awful.”
    “Oh, my god. Why didn’t you tell me?”
    I still can’t bring myself to look at Hadley, so I keep my gaze trained on the street. “I didn’t want to worry you. I just kept telling myself that they weren’t going to find anything. That maybe I was just stressed or something. But then I kept getting worse, the symptoms more severe. At that point I was sure it was something awful. And even if it wasn’t, I was in no shape to go away to school. I had to stay and find out what was wrong, and then treat it. I knew if I told you, that you would want to stay with me too.”
    “I would have. No question.”
    “I know. That’s why I pushed you away. I wanted you to live your life, Hadley. You are so talented. Being stuck here with a sick guy is not the future I wanted for you.”
    “But that wasn’t your choice to make, Tripp. It was mine.”
    I face her. “I know. I get that now, but at the time I thought I was doing the right thing, the noble thing.”
    “Did the doctor’s find out what was wrong?” she asks softly.
    “It took mon ths of testing to figure it out, but finally I was diagnosed with Junior Rheumatoid Arthritis.”
    “Arthritis?” She scrunches up her nose. “I thought only old people got that?”
    “No, it’s not what you’re thinking of. This is something that kids get. In fact, they think I probably had it for a long time I just didn’t notice. With Dad beating on me, and playing sports from a young age, I kind of just ignored it when I had aches and pains and stiff joints. I think the main reason I noticed it after graduation was because I wasn’t playing sports or anything, so it didn’t make sense.”
    “So what, you just have soreness sometimes?”
    “I wish it were that simple. No, it effects my life a lot. Some days I can hardly get out of bed the pain is so bad. Other days I function okay. I take a lot of medicine. Some to help with symptoms , and on bad days I take pain pills.” I lift my gaze to meet hers. “My life isn’t like it was. I can’t predict what kind of day I’ll have. I have missed you so much, Hadley, and I’ve regretted breaking up with you all this time. But I don’t know if I would do anything differently, because honestly I couldn’t ask you to give up everything for me.”
    “I wouldn’t have been giving up everything, Tripp, because I would’ve had you.” Her eyes shine with tears. “Do you really think I would’ve chosen art over you? I loved you with everything I had. You were everything to me. I just can’t believe you made this decision for me. I’ve been miserable without you. Did you really think I couldn’t deal with this? That I would only want you if you were healthy?” She stands up angrily. “Wow. I really thought you knew me. I guess I was wrong.”
    This time I don’t stop her when she