Flawed by Jo Bannister Read Free Book Online Page A

inexplicably but hard, for a pleasant, slightly plump librarian, the rule-book went on the fire. What emerged from the ashes was Brodie Farrell as she was today – still a devoted mother but also a sharp businesswoman, a hard negotiator, a clear-eyed pragmatist, a bit of a cynic. Someone who was quick to identify what she wanted and prepared to tread on toes to get it.
    She was, in fact, a more socially adroit and easier-on-theeye version of Deacon himself. Perhaps that was the real reason for their unlikely partnership, and also why it ended. Neither of them was good at compromising. They never saw why they should.
    ‘I don't have a single problem with Daniel!’ snarled Deacon. ‘He might be peculiar but at least he's honest. He doesn't say one thing and do something else. He doesn't pretend that you aren't the most important thing in his life. And he doesn't think he can run another relationship alongside that without a conflict. That's why he's always on his own. If he can't be with you, it's the only honest way to be.’
    All the expression had fallen out of Brodie's face and her eyes were still. Her voice was low and rigidly controlled. ‘And what do you know about it?’
    Deacon was reckless with passion, too angry to heed the warning signs. ‘I know he's in love with you. He told me as much. He begged me not to tell you but, hey, this is a day for sharing secrets! Why don't you admit you're in love with him too?’
    If they'd been standing up, making it less awkward, Brodie would probably have slapped him. Her temper was like a tiger caged within her. Most of the time it was pretty quiet but every so often someone left the latch up and then it was just a question of whether the beast was hungry or not. Today she knew as if she'd seen it that if Deacon said one more thing, took one more snipe at her, the tiger would rip his throat out.
    She said, ‘Did you think I didn't know? Did you think I'd be shocked? That I'd be so unnerved I'd beg you to take me back? Is that how you think, Jack – that you can scare people into doing what you want? And that there's no difference between that and them wanting what you want?
    ‘I know Daniel's in love with me. He told me so. He knows I'm not in love with him: I told him. Do you know something? I wish I was. I wish I could marry him with a clear conscience.He'd never hurt me; he'd never use my feelings against me; and I don't think he'd let irrational fears of the future spoil the here-and-now. I think I could be happy with Daniel. I think, if he mattered just a little less to me, I'd take the chance.’
    Her voice was calm now but Deacon could hear the regret in it. ‘But I'm not going to. He deserves better. Actually, so do I. Nobody needs to be stuck in a relationship where one party is trying to do enough loving for both. We could make it work, for a year or two. But long-term we'd end up resenting one another. I'd feel guilty, he'd feel used. I'm not going to risk our friendship when I know it would end like that. He understands. Do you know why? Because he listened when I told him, and he believed me.
    ‘That's the bit you and I never managed to get right, Jack.’ An edge was creeping back into her voice. ‘Not even the listening but the believing. I told you over and over that Daniel was no threat to us, that the only threat to us was
us.
But you couldn't believe me. You kept looking for the wedge that would force us apart. Well, you look that hard for anything, you're going to find it – hell, you're going to
make
it. We all create our own demons. You were so obsessed with my feelings for Daniel that you managed to strangle what we felt for each other. God knows I haven't always behaved well, but I wanted this to work. I tried to make it work. Daniel was never the obstacle. Your fear of Daniel was.’
    For a second, denial was on the tip of his tongue. He almost said she was crazy, he was never afraid of anyone, if he was
going
to be afraid of someone it