For the Love of a Lush (Lush No. 2) by Selena Laurence Read Free Book Online Page A

intensity of emotions ricocheting around the room. "Yeah, I was pretty shocked when you showed up. I needed a bit of time to process. Kind of get my thoughts together."
    "Okay…" She pauses, nibbling on her lower lip as she uncrosses and recrosses those incredible legs.
    I take a deep breath and plunge on into the conversation—although part of me would rather be plunging into her. "One of my steps is making amends. I need to admit my mistakes and ask people’s forgiveness for the poor choices I made while I was drinking." I look up at her finally, and I see the soft expression on her face.
    She’s always let me off the hook, never making me face up to my responsibilities, and I know she’d do it again now if I wanted her to. But I can’t take the easy way out anymore. I have to man up here, and that means making amends to the love of my life.
    I give her the speech I’ve been rehearsing since this afternoon. "Tammy, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for choosing alcohol over dealing with my problems. I’m sorry for leaving you to clean up all my messes and for letting things get to a point where I scared you with my behavior. It was inexcusable and absolutely not the way a real man treats the woman he loves."
    I see her hand reach out as if she’d touch me if she could. I thank God she can’t. "If you have stuff you need to say to me for closure or whatever, the least I can do is listen. I shouldn’t have shut you down like that this afternoon. After everything I put you through, focusing on your mistake was an asshole move. So, I guess, take your best shot. I deserve it, and I’ll be here until you’re done."
    I lean back in the chair and listen to my heart beating a tattoo in my chest.
    She pulls her legs up underneath her, almost like she’s curling herself into a little ball for protection. She looks at the big plasterwork fireplace next to us and is quiet for minute.
    "I want to explain—about my mistake—about Joss," she continues hastily. "I know it’s not an excuse. I know there isn’t one. I just… I want you to know what was going on in my head right then and maybe you’ll understand some of it and things won’t look quite so bad."
    I lean my head back against the chair and close my eyes just for a second. When I open them, she’s watching me—wariness, fear, and anguish skittering across her face one after the other. I nod, swallowing down the sickness that threatens to explode from my gut every time the image of Tammy and Joss plays through my mind.
    She nervously twists her hands and looks down at them while she talks. "It was the night after that first visit we made to see you in rehab. But really, it started the night you nearly bled out from the ulcers in the gas station bathroom. I mean, not the stuff with Joss. That didn’t start then," she’s quick to clarify, "but the stuff for me. The stuff that sent me to that place with Joss." She sighs and gives herself a little shake. It’s obviously nearly as hard for her to say this as it is for me to hear it.
    "I’ve been in therapy since you left. A lot of therapy. You know I’m not the type to be scared of anything." She glances up at me, and I can’t help but smile.
    She’s always been a demon, my girl. Fearless. They used to call her Tamazon in school because she was so tall so early, but I never saw it as an insult. She is like an Amazon—strong, brave, ready to battle for those she loves, a true warrior princess.
    "When your drinking got so out of control, I was scared for the first time in my life, Walsh. I was scared you were going to hurt yourself. I was scared you were going to hurt someone else. And when you got sick that night, when all that blood was pouring out of your body and you weren’t even able to stand on your own two feet, I was terrified."
    I die a little inside from knowing I put her through that with my selfish, cowardly behavior.
    "I thought it would get better once you went to rehab. I guess… I don’t know. I was