Forever Changes by Brendan Halpin Read Free Book Online

singing—okay, in a weird song  that she could never play for Stephanie or Melissa—something she’d been feeling but had been unable to put into words.  She couldn’t apply to college. There just wasn’t enough time.
    And on her third listen to the song (“You Set the Scene”, Adam’s chicken scratch on the jewel case insert told her), what struck her was the part about how there would be people left to wonder why, and she had this image of Dad standing over her grave and crying.  Just for a minute, she thought that would be the absolute worst part about dying.  First Mom broke his heart, and soon Brianna was going to break it again. As much as she hated being a burden to him, hated the sacrifices he made for her, she felt even worse about the idea of making him sad forever.
    The CD ended, and Brianna sat there in the silence under the lonely light and cried.
     

i was thinking about you
    Before she left the house on Monday, Brianna wrote a note that said “Call MIT” and taped it where she’d be sure to see it, on a bottle of Gatorade in the back of the fridge.
    At school, she plopped down at a table and turned on her CD player. She’d woken up thinking about this weird music, and it was satisfying to hear it again—like eating a fluffernutter after Mr. Eccles got her thinking about fluffernutters.
    She was only two minutes into the first song—“Alone Again Or” (Or What? Brianna wondered, but the song, which didn’t even have the word “or” in it, gave no clues) when she saw Todd step into the caf.  He obviously saw here, but he pretended he didn’t. He  performed an elaborate head-slapping show like he’d forgotten something, and walked out again.
    She sighed as the guy on the CD said he’d be alone again tonight.  Well, that was certainly it for Todd.  It wasn’t like he’d been some great love or anything; they had been friends, and they’d helped each other out.  She made sure Todd didn’t fail Algebra 2 for a second time; he made sure that she didn’t die a virgin.  Brianna had given Todd strategies to get through math at a ‘C’ level, but she couldn’t really make him get it on a deep level, and she certainly couldn’t create in his brain even the palest shadow of her appreciation for the beauty of math.  And Todd, for his part, hadn’t been able to make Brianna understand what the big deal about sex was.
    Still, she was able to check something off her “Things to do Before I Die” checklist because of him, and they had been friends, or at least friendly enough that he wouldn’t pull cheesy moves like pretending he didn’t see her.  Well, if that’s how he was, she was better off without him, which was what Dad was always telling her anyway.  Still, she felt like she knew what would happen next:  he’d continue to pretend she didn’t exist, then he’d be at his locker with some sophomore girl with big boobs who looked twenty, ostentatiously kissing her all the time and pretending that he’d never been with the senior girl who looked twelve.
    She scrawled, “Don’t you dare come to my funeral, loser” on a piece of paper.  She wondered if she should fold it up and put flower doodles on the outside and slip it into his locker like she had a couple of times when they’d arranged tutoring sessions.
    She laughed to herself at the thought, but it started her coughing.  Fortunately, it didn’t last long, and she was able to pull what she hoped was a very discreet tissue-to-mouth-phlegm-spit maneuver.  She didn’t like the coughing, but she was used to it, and everybody understood.  The spitting, though, never stopped being gross and embarrassing, but once she had seen what that stuff looked like on a tissue, there was  no way she was going to swallow it.
    She smiled to herself remembering Melissa’s reply when she’d told her that.  The CD played on, and Brianna found herself  hoping that Melissa and Stephanie would be late.  She wanted a few more