Phoenix: The Beauty in Between (A Beautiful Series Companion Novel) by Lilliana Anderson Read Free Book Online

only person who makes me feel like
more than a homeless teen, and I want to feel. I want to feel so
badly.

Chapter
Eleven
    Last night, I
lost my virginity. I don’t know how to feel about it. I thought
that it would be better than it actually was. Especially after
orgasming the night before. But it was just…ok.
    The whole thing
didn’t take very long. Jeff took me back to his house, and we sat
and talked for a while. He made me some dinner, and afterwards, he
took me by the hand and led me to his room.
    Slowly, he
undressed me, unwrapping me like a birthday present. Touching me
gently, kissing me. Tasting me, preparing me.
    Without the
ecstasy in my system, like it was the night before, I was nervous.
My breathing was shaky and my mind was racing, telling me all the
reasons why I shouldn’t be doing this.
    Your
virginity is a gift, it told me. Don’t just give it away to
a man you’ve only known for a day.
    I mentally told
my mind to shut up. I needed to do this. Jeff could make my life
better. My mind tried to tell me that he could make it much worse,
but I wasn’t willing to listen. He was already poised between my
legs.
    “Are you
ready?” he asked, nudging his tip at my opening.
    I didn’t trust
my voice to come out with the right answer, so I nodded my head
instead, and took a deep breath as I readied myself for his
intrusion.
    “Relax,” he
whispered. “Relax.”
    He pushed in.
Little bit, by little bit. I felt myself stretching around him.
Tearing. Stinging. Burning.
    It hurt.
    “Stop. Stop,” I
told him breathlessly. “I just need a minute.”
    “It’s ok. We’re
going slow,” he whispered, kissing my forehead, my cheek and, then
my mouth. “I’m going to push just a little, ok?”
    I nodded again.
I wanted to say ‘No. Get out’, but I knew that I’d gone too far. I
needed to see it through.
    “Tell me when
to stop,” he instructed as he pressed himself deeper. I could feel
a warmth, like it was burning. But I breathed through it, and let
him move on.
    Eventually, he
paused. “I’m all the way in. Are you ok?” he asked, concern in his
voice and in his eyes.
    “It hurts. But,
I’m ok,” I told him, my voice quiet and shaky as I wished for this
all to be over.
    “Can I
move?”
    “Just a
little,” I whispered. I was trying so hard to relax, but the
burning sensation between my legs as I stretched around him, was
starting to control my senses.
    “I won’t last
long,” he assured me. “You are just so, so tight.” He clenched his
jaw and moved inside me. I closed my eyes tightly and tried to
focus more on my breathing.
    Within a few
strokes, he shuddered, emptying himself inside me. “Mmmm,” he
hummed, pressing his forehead against mine as he calmed himself,
whispering, “It will be better next time. I promise,” as he kissed
me softly.
    Slowly, he
withdrew from me, and I felt red-raw as he vacated my depths. I’m
having trouble believing that this will feel better in time. It was
uncomfortable, painful, and well – just not nice.
    I don’t think
it was anything Jeff did. He took time to make sure that I was more
than ready before he pushed inside me. However, it just didn’t feel
anywhere near as nice as the touching and fondling did
beforehand.
    “Come on, let’s
get you cleaned up,” he said, holding his hand out to me. I looked
down between my legs, and while I knew it was possible. I'm ashamed
to say that I freaked out slightly when I saw the blood.
    “It’s ok,” Jeff
told me soothingly, as he wrapped me in his arms and brushed my
hair back gently, whispering to me that it was all normal.
Everything was alright.
    Scooping me up
in his arms, he carried me into the bathroom. Where he sat me down,
and ran a bath for me. Lifting me again, to lower me into the water
and carefully wash my skin, planting soft kisses over my face and
shoulders as he did.
    Suddenly, my
eyes pricked with tears. “I’m sorry I wasn’t any good. I didn’t
expect it to hurt so