Friend Is a Four Letter Word by Steph Campbell Read Free Book Online Page A

into geology when I was a kid, and that was my favorite stone. Yours look like that… and I think a lot about how they looked that night.
    How was my night? Shitty, actually. Until the phone rang, and I saw it was you.
    Sometimes I regret things I did, but mostly I regret what I didn’t do. I’ve got to hang up in a second, but I’m gonna say this now, Shay. Every single day I regret everything I didn’t do with you.
    The Carter I talk to all these stolen nights on the phone, the Carter who texts me at all kinds of weird hours with sweet little words of encouragement is not the same Carter who left me on Christmas Eve. I guess because I know him better… he’s not just a crush or a conquest. He’s a friend. My only friend. And he’s a huge disappointment for me, because I know he can’t be anything more. What we have is all just make believe, just an escape I guess we both need. And that makes me sad. We talk so late at night, in that time when the rest of the world is still asleep, I half feel like what Carter and I have might all be a crazy dream.
    And then I always return to reality. Where what I wanted and cared about was way less important than what my parents wanted for me, what they thought was important. And I had to follow their rules. If I was going to live with them, or have them pay for college, I was going to behave better. They’d approve my friends, they’d know my whereabouts.
    Carter was my one secret, my one way to connect to the version of myself that’d been buried underneath all the rebellious bullshit. The version of myself that wasn’t wrapped in a perfect wrapper that hid every true feeling.
    Up until then, I’d managed to keep my behavior a secret. I had a lot of freedom because I’d never given my parents a reason not to trust me—because I’d never been stupid enough to get caught. I wore what was expected—to school at least, I made it to church every Sunday, and then slipped in and out of the house undetected whenever I wanted through the service entrance. But that last year of high school was rough. Everyone was making plans for futures that I couldn’t even visualize. They had senior trips planned, colleges they were touring. I was still hiding out after school smoking a joint. I came to realize and accept that it was a good thing, setting me up with Nolan.
    If not, I’d be haunted by the screwed-up girl I was in high school for the rest of my life.
    “So what do you want to do after this?” Nolan asks. He raises a hand to firmly signal the waiter that we’re ready for the check. I have to admit, on days like today, when he showed up a little late (albeit, more apologetic than necessary), and didn’t have time to shave, he appeals to me more and more.
    I guess anyone decent can grow on you after you’ve been around them long enough.
    “I don’t know, you have something in mind?” I ask, swirling my straw in my sickeningly sweet soda.
    Nolan takes his napkin from his lap, sets it onto the tabletop, and eyes me for a long moment. The ‘take charge’ attitude I’d caught a brief glimpse of is gone, and he’s suddenly nervous, which is its own brand of endearing.
    “Nolan?” I ask.
    “I was thinking you could come back to my place? We could… hang out?” He raises a hopeful eyebrow.
    I swipe the screen on my phone to check the time and notice I have a text. From Carter.
     
    So I had this bizarre craving for boiled peanuts. Kind of obsessed. Or maybe I just miss Georgia. Or maybe I just miss someone in Georgia. Anyway, can’t find the peanuts in any store here. Wanna bring me some?
     
    A smile curls on my lips, and I imagine showing up at Carter’s place with a bag of fresh peanuts, ready to boil them according to my Granny’s recipe. I wonder what his kitchen is like. I wonder if he’d stand pressing into me while I was at the stove, brushing the hair back from my neck so he could kiss all the sensitive places.
    I’m caught up in the fantasy, and then it