Friend Is a Four Letter Word by Steph Campbell Read Free Book Online

I understand the rules or have any interest while he practices. Every once in a while Nolan lifts his mask and gives me an eager grin as he wipes sweat from his face. I press my lips up in the best smile I can manage, trying to fake the part of being the perfect supportive girlfriend.
    What we never, ever do is talk about anything real or important. As much as thoughts of my adoption race through my brain day and night, I never say a word to Nolan. We don’t drive out to deserted lookouts and talk and kiss under a smattering of stars. He never touches my leg and makes shivers go up and down my spine. He never pierces me with a single look and demands to know what I want. We never unwrap the perfect shiny paper and see what lies underneath.
    We both put on a good front, are perfectly polite and nice to each other, and play the parts we were assigned.
    It’s fine. It’s all part of the plan.
    The one that levels out my life and turns me back into the daughter my parents always imagined they’d end up with.
    The parents introduced me to Nolan at a church New Year’s Day coat drive. His father was the new minister of the other mega church in town, something that would normally drive my father batty—even the Jesus business is cut-throat and Dad always hated when a competing church would get a new—or even worse, younger pastor because that meant his head count might be in jeopardy.
    But he perked up when he learned that the Bryant’s had a son two years older than me, and wasted no time pushing us together when the opportunity presented itself.
    It’s okay, I needed a break from the life I was living. If I didn’t step back, I’d probably end up on some cheesy reality show by now, Rich Girls Rebel or something. Because the truth is, I had no reason to be acting the way I was. I mean, I didn’t have shitty parents like my friend Quinn, or blatant self-esteem issues like Tessa, I was just… bored .
    The thing is, when I came stumbling in last Christmas Eve after Carter dropped me off at home, I wanted to change. I hit my own personal rock bottom. But I guess you really do need to be careful what you wish for, because the changes my life wound up taking were nothing like what I had in mind.
    I keep going back in my head to that moment I tiptoed out to the pool house and raided the liquor cabinet, trying to forget the way my evening ended with Carter. The way he looked at me with sad eyes, like he knew what I was feeling, but couldn’t fix.
    I keep wondering what might have happened if I managed to keep quiet as I made my way into the main house. What could have happened if I didn’t end up falling down in front of Mom and Dad and a pile of their church friends, if my parents never had to put their foot down? If I had never heard the secret they’d kept from me and had my life click together in a way I never imagined possible?
    I have a theory.
    A crazy theory.
    I think I would have gone up to my quiet, cozy room. I think I would have slipped out of my party dress and into my thin cotton nightshirt and shorty shorts. I would have taken a deep breath… and I would have called Carter.
    I was always the kind of girl who got liquid courage after enough to drink, and I think that night I would have wound up talking to him. All night.
    And I think I’m right about it because we wound up doing exactly that a few times since Christmas Eve. It took a couple of weeks for me to get the guts to try texting sober… and a couple more for me to get up the guts to sneak just a little vanilla vodka and call very late and a little tipsy.
    Conversations with Carter have run the range from awkward to hilarious to soul-bearing… and they always feel a little surreal. I turn over the things he’s said to me.
    Stop trying to please everyone else, Shayna. You’re so busy worrying about what other people want for you, you forget how to want for yourself.
    Did I ever tell you your eyes remind me of moonstone? Don’t laugh! I was really