Funny Boy Meets the Dumbbell Dentist from Deimos (with Dangerous Dental Decay) by Dan Gutman Read Free Book Online Page A

uncontrollably. It was the end of the line. I had just one robot joke left. If it didn’t work, Dr. Denny would drill a hole in the Earth and split it in half like a giant pistachio nut. The tension was so unbearable that I wasn’t even able to make a joke about bears. I gathered up my courage, took a deep breath, and did a few other stalling tactics to build even more suspense.
    Okay, finally it was time to let loose the last joke I had.
    “What’s silver,” I asked, “and lays in the grass?”
    There was a long pause. RoboDent 2000 didn’t move, but it looked like he was thinking.
    “He doesn’t know the answer!” yelled Tupper.
    Smoke started coming out of the robot’s ears. It started flailing its arms around.
    “I GIVE UP,” admitted RoboDent 2000. “WHAT IS SILVER AND LAYS IN THE GRASS?”
    “R2 Doo Doo!” I shouted triumphantly.
    “HA!” said RoboDent 2000. “HA HA! HAHAHA! HAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
    “You did it, Funny Boy!” Tupper shouted. “He never heard that one before!”
    RoboDent 2000 was laughing uncontrollably, slapping itself on its metallic knees, and wiping away the oil that was dripping from the video cameras that functioned as its eyes.
    Dr. Denny, Halitosis, and Gingivitis frantically started scooping up the dental equipment and running to put it back inside their spaceship.
    “THE POWER OF FUNNY BOY’S HUMOR IS JUST TOO STRONG!” yelled Dr. Denny. “WE MUST LEAVE EARTH IMMEDIATELY!”
    “Put an egg in your shoe and beat it!” I hollered after them. “And don’t come back!”
    “Hooray!” Tupper shouted. “Hooray for Funny Boy! You are my hero!”

    Well, that’s the story. Thanks to my incredibly immature toilet humor, I had driven the evil aliens away. I had saved the world and made it safe for A lists and B movies, X games and J-walking, iPads and D cups, L trains and G ratings, C biscuits and E books, T parties and . . .
    “See?” said Punch. “I told you there would be a happy ending.”
    “Some folks just can’t take a joke,” I said.
WELL, YOU HAVE WASTED COUNTLESS HOURS READING THIS NONSENSE WHEN YOU COULD HAVE USED THAT TIME TO CURE A DISEASE, SOLVE THE ENERGY CRISIS, OR DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE WITH YOUR LIFE.

Stay tuned for Funny Boy’s next amazing and hilarious adventure . . .
    Funny Boy Meets the Evil-Smelling Eggs from Europa (Who Erase Emails)

A Biography of Dan Gutman
    Dan Gutman was born in a log cabin in Illinois and used to write by candlelight with a piece of chalk on a shovel. Oh, wait a minute, that was Abraham Lincoln. Actually, Dan Gutman grew up in New Jersey and, for some reason, still lives there.
    Somehow, Dan survived his bland and uneventful childhood, and then attended Rutgers University, where he majored in psychology for reasons he can’t explain. After a few years of graduate studies, he disappointed his mother by moving to New York City to become a starving writer.
    In the 1980s, after several penniless years writing untrue newspaper articles, unread magazine articles, and unsold screenplays, Gutman supported himself by writing about video games and selling unnecessary body parts. He edited Video Games Player magazine for four years. And, although he knew virtually nothing about computers, he spent the late 1980s writing a syndicated column on the subject.
    In 1990, Gutman got the opportunity to write about something that had interested him since childhood: baseball. Beginning with It Ain’t Cheatin’ If You Don’t Get Caught (1990), Gutman wrote several nonfiction books about the sport, covering subjects such as the game’s greatest scandals and the history of its equipment.
    The birth of his son, Sam, inspired Gutman to write for kids, beginning with Baseball’s Biggest Bloopers (1993). In 1996, Gutman published The Kid Who Ran for President , a runaway hit about a twelve-year-old who (duh!) runs for president. He also continued writing about baseball, and the