Funny Boy Meets the Dumbbell Dentist from Deimos (with Dangerous Dental Decay) by Dan Gutman Read Free Book Online

inhaled the laughing gas, I felt myself slipping into giggling unconsciousness . . . mind . . . fuzzy . . . haha . . . sleepy . . . funny . . .
    With my last ounce of energy, I managed to rip the mask off my mouth, turn it around, and slap it on Dr. Denny’s putrid, malodorous face! Right away, he started laughing.
    “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.”
    “Yes!” shouted Punch. “The laughing gas is working! The tables are turned!”
    “What tables?” I asked. “I don’t see any tables.”
    “It’s a figure of speech, you dope!” shouted Bob Foster.
    Unfortunately, at that moment, Dr. Denny managed to tear the mask off his face. He was still laughing.
    “YOUR HUMOR IS TOO STRONG FOR ME, FUNNY BOY!” he shouted. “BUT I EXPECTED THAT, SO I BROUGHT ALONG A BACKUP DENTIST JUST IN CASE. BRING OUT . . . ROBODENT 2000!”
    The door to the spaceship opened with another whoosh and a huge robot came clanking down the ramp. It was wearing a white dentist’s coat and rubber gloves.
    “WHERE IS MY PATIENT . . .” asked RoboDent 2000. “. . . DO YOU BRUSH AFTER EVERY MEAL . . . LET ME SEE YOUR GUMS . . .”
    RoboDent 2000 rolled over to us and stopped right in front of me.
    “A robotic dentist?” asked Bob Foster.

    “YES!” said Dr. Denny. “AND HE HAS NO SENSE OF HUMOR, SO HE IS INVULNERABLE TO FUNNY BOY’S STUPID JOKES.”
    “Oh yeah?” I said. “We’ll see about that. What’s the messiest sport?”
    “WHAT?” asked RoboDent 2000.
    “Basketball,” I said, “because the players dribble all over the floor.”
    RoboDent 2000 had no reaction at all.
    “Not a sports fan, eh?” I said. “Well, how about this one, big guy? What’s the difference between a school teacher and a train?”
    “WHAT?” asked RoboDent 2000.
    “The teacher tells you to spit out your gum,” I told him, “and the train goes ‘Chew Chew.’ ”
    Nothing. Dr. Denny was right. The robot appeared to have no sense of humor at all.
    “ENOUGH JOKES!” said RoboDent 2000. “I MUST REMOVE YOUR WISDOM TEETH, IN THE MOST PAINFUL WAY POSSIBLE. HAND ME THE PLIERS.”
    “Nooooooooooooo!” I shouted.
    “OPEN WIDE.”
    “Nooooooooooooo!”
    “We’re done for!” shouted Bob Foster.
    “We’re all going to die!” shouted Tupper.
    “AHAHAHAHA!” shouted Dr. Denny. “I’VE GOT YOU NOW, FUNNY BOY!”
    “Wait!” shouted Punch. “Funny Boy, do you know any robot jokes?”
    “RoboDent 2000 has no sense of humor,” said Bob Foster. “Even robot jokes will have no effect on him.”
    “It’s worth a try!” said Tupper, with a pleading look on her face.
    Desperately, I searched my memory for jokes about robots. There weren’t many of them, and they weren’t all that funny, but they were all I had.
    “Why did the robot mow his lawn?” I asked.
    “TO BLEND IN WITH THE HUMANS SO IT COULD INFILTRATE SOCIETY AND ULTIMATELY DESTROY HUMANITY,” said RoboDent 2000.
    “Wow,” I said. “I guess you heard that one already.”
    “Try another joke, Funny Boy!” begged Tupper.
    “How many robots does it take to screw in a light bulb?” I asked.
    “NONE,” said RoboDent 2000. “WE CAN WORK IN THE DARK.”
    “Oh, this guy is good,” I said.
    “Is that all you have?” asked Punch.
    “I have just three jokes left,” I replied. “What do you get when you cross a robot with a tractor?”
    “A TRANS-FARMER,” said RoboDent 2000.
    “HE KNOWS EVERY ONE OF YOUR STUPID JOKES!” said Dr. Denny. “SOON IT WILL BE ALL OVER FOR YOU, FUNNY BOY!”
    “KILL!” said Halitosis gleefully.
    “DIE!” hooted Gingivitis.
    “Not yet!” I yelled. “I still have two more robot jokes left. Hey RoboDent, did you hear that robots don’t have sisters?”
    “THEY HAVE TRANSISTORS,” RoboDent 2000 responded immediately.
    “How did he know that one?” I yelled. “ Nobody knows that one!”
    “GIVE UP, FUNNY BOY,” said Dr. Denny. “YOU CAN’T BEAT HIM. YOU AND YOUR PATHETIC WORLD ARE FINISHED.”
    Tupper, Punch, and Bob Foster were sobbing