Getting Old Is Criminal by Rita Lakin Read Free Book Online

getting uncomfortable. “You know.”
    She is yelling now. “I don’t effing know, so tell me!”
    He beams. “The F word. I, personally, wouldn’t say such a thing but it’s so cute coming out of your adorable mouth.” He moves crabwise around the picnic table, arms outstretched to embrace her.
    Evvie’s had it. She smacks him across the face.
    “Cheapskate!”
    At that moment more of the swimming group walks by. Hy and Lola, Tessie, the Canadians.
    They all stop and stare.
    Tessie breaks rank and runs over to Sol, her love gleaming in her eyes. “ Bubbala, what did she do to you?” All two hundred fifty pounds of her towers over him as she strokes his few strands of hair.
    Sol, now befuddled, sees the crowd forming and makes a run for it. His shoelaces are untied, forc-5 4 • R i t a L a k i n
    ing him to hop and skip down the sidewalk, a rather odd sight.
    When he’s gone, everyone turns back to Evvie.
    Evvie walks over and pulls at my arm. “Get up, Glad. We’re leaving.” She faces the crowd, her look menacing. “Not one word out of anyone.”
    The would-be swimmers attempt to swallow their grins, not easy to do. Tessie continues to look back in the direction where Sol disappeared.
    “Hey, lady PI, what about last night?” Hy asks me.
    “What about last night?” I ask.
    “Didn’t Jack tell you? I thought you’d be the first to know.”
    Jack? No, Jack tells me nothing anymore. I sigh.
    Evvie says, “Spit it out already. I need to go home and get some Extra Strength Tylenol.”
    Tessie shoots her a dirty look for her poor treat-ment of the man for whom she carries a torch.
    Hy reports. “Late last night in Phase Six, Dora Dooley spotted the Peeper just about the time Jack got home. If he’d only been a couple of minutes earlier, he might have caught him.”
    What was Jack doing out so late? I wonder sus-piciously. But then another thought occurs to me—
    Jack must have gone to Dora’s apartment when she yelled for help. This makes me feel a tiny bit better. That’s why he didn’t answer his phone.
    Lola adds, “He’s her hero. He’s so good to Dora, always there when she needs him.”
    I wish I could say the same thing, I think enviously.

    G e t t i n g O l d I s C r i m i n a l • 5 5
    “Jack promised he’d get Morrie to write up a report. I was sure he’d tell you since you’re the big, important PI around here,” says Hy. “You know . . . maybe in pillow talk?”
    Now it’s my turn to want to smack someone, but I restrain myself. “I’ll check it out with him,” I say stiffly.
    By now Tessie is grubbing around in the wicker basket that Sol abandoned when he fled. “Hey, Evvie,” she asks, “mind if I finish off your breakfast?”
    “Be my guest,” Evvie says, head high, walking off like a queen departing her loyal subjects.
    I follow her. All I can think of is that now I have a real excuse to call Jack. On business.

    EIGHT
    THE FERGUSONS
    INVESTIGATE US
    Alvin Ferguson stares probingly at my girls.
    They stare back with varied expressions.
    Apparently, when he thought about the fact that Evvie and I had associates, Mr. Picky decided he wanted to meet with them as well. So do we have that job yet? Now I’m not sure. Will he take back the retainer? We’ve already banked the check.
    Does he have a legal right to? This guy is going to be a pain in the neck.
    Shirley sips a cup of tea at the dining room table, next to me, where we can easily watch the action taking place in the living room. Alvin has been interrogating the girls for twenty minutes.
    His wife has been smirking the whole time. I think she secretly enjoys how easily he irritates people.
    Alvin began by asking Ida questions about her G e t t i n g O l d I s C r i m i n a l • 5 7
    family, which got her back up. She wasn’t about to tell him she doesn’t ever hear from them.
    He wanted to know if Evvie had ever been to college, which she felt was none of his business.
    She said, “Yes, to the college of