Gnome On The Range by Jennifer Zane Read Free Book Online Page B

reality, unless I pulled out that fingertip vibrator, I’d have to get up enough nerve to be with a man. And with Ty, it was obviously no-strings-attached. Something to think about.
    Ty brushed the knuckles of his hand holding the condom box ever so gently over my left breast. “Let me know.”
    My mouth dropped open, my eyes briefly closed at the scorching, and surprising touch. It had been years since I’d had male contact like that.
    Before I had time to react, Ty opened the door to leave and ran square into a man who had George the Gnome hugged against his chest. He was about five-ten, white, scraggly brown hair with an attempt at a mustache above his lip. He had a startled look of a deer about to be run over by a semi.
    “What the…?” Ty said, surprised.
    The man turned and bolted, Ty making chase after a moment to process. I dashed after them, once I’d gathered my wits about me. I had a slower pace, as my legs weren’t nearly as long as Ty’s and I didn’t have the same adrenaline rush as Gnome Stealer. Ty grabbed the guy’s arm but he wriggled free, stripping off his shirt in the process. He kept going as if the hounds of Hell were on his heels. The gnome slipped out from under his arm and fell onto the street, breaking into pieces. Ty skidded to a stop, breathing deeply, the man’s flannel shirt dangling in one hand, box of condoms in the other. We both watched the man take off around the corner onto Lincoln. He wasn’t coming back anytime soon. He was halfway to North Dakota.
    After a moment of stunned silence we looked down at George. He was broken into four large pieces. I wasn’t sure how I would explain this to Zach. I couldn’t even explain it to myself. Hopefully, it could be put back together with the glue gun.
    “What the hell?” Ty knelt down next to the pieces and picked up a small bundle that had been inside the gnome. Clear bubble wrap protected something that wasn’t gnome gizzards. It fit easily in Ty’s palm. I heard a car approach, so I quickly scooped up gnome parts and we walked together back to the house. I placed the pieces on the counter and watched as Ty unwrapped the packaging. Inside were an empty plastic bag and a glass vial with a black screw top. The kind scientists used to create secret potions. It was filled with some kind of white goo.
    “What is that?” I peered closely at it. “Glue? Dish soap?” This was super weird. Why was glue inside a gnome?
    Ty lifted it up to the light, turned it around. Eyed it funny. “Looks like cow sperm to me.”
    That was the last thing I thought he’d say. Cow sperm? I tried not to think about how one got the sperm from the cow and into the vial. Yuck. Double yuck. “I need to wash my hands.”
     
     
    Chapter Four
    “Can you please explain to me how you know that’s cow sperm?” I pointed at the vial and cringed before I went to the sink and pumped and pumped soap onto my hands.
    I knew a little about sperm. My eggs had met some sperm and made two babies. I worked in a store that sold products to keep sperm away from eggs. But that was it. None of this vial stuff.
    “My parents run a cattle ranch.”
    Right. I forgot about that one. “Then how did it get into Zach’s gnome? And why?”
    Ty didn’t look any happier about this than I did. “I have no idea. I’ll call my parents to help figure this out.”
    I handed him the phone, glad there was an expert for everything. As he waited for someone to pick up he said, “This isn’t some kid’s prank. I guess we just figured out it wasn’t a damn deer in the yard the other night.” He held up a finger signaling me to wait. “Hey Mom—”
    I pulled the glue gun from the craft bucket, plugged it in and waited for it to heat up while Ty talked with his mom. Unnerved, I went in and checked on the boys. They were conked out, Bobby on his back with his arms flung over his head, Zach on the top bunk completely buried in blanket except for one exposed foot.
    When I returned