Go Jump in the Pool by Gordon Korman Read Free Book Online Page A

tweeting. Finally he fell silent and surveyed the stunned audience.
    “Are there any questions?”
    One of the parents stood up. “I recognized all your bird calls except the first one,” he said. “What was that first call you did?”
    Elmer looked thoroughly bewildered. “That wasn’t a bird call,” he said. “That was the song of the humpback whale, of course.”
    The audience erupted into laughter, cheers and applause.
    Elmer was ecstatic. “Are there any requests?”
    “Can you do the mating call of the great horned owl?” asked the science teacher from Miss Scrimmage’s.
    “Certainly,” Elmer replied. He folded his hands, closed his eyes, rounded his mouth and began to hoot madly.
    A large bundle of brown feathers shot in through the open window of the skylight, headed for the stage and began circling over Elmer, flying slower and slower until it became apparent to everyone that Elmer’s life-like imitation had attracted a great horned owl in search of a mate. It was unfortunate that Miss Scrimmage wore a hat lavishly trimmed with brown feathers. The bird, spying the love of its life, hooted happily and began its romantic approach.
    “Hit the deck!” bellowed Bruno from the edge of the curtain.
    Miss Scrimmage screamed as the bird swooped down, snatching the hat from her head. With one great flap of its powerful wings, it soared to the top of the building and out through the window, hat and all. Immediately two stage hands scrambled up onto the ledge and heaved at the pulley to shut the window.
    The audience went wild. Some of the students were standing on their chairs screaming. Mr. Sturgeon was down on the floor trying to revive Miss Scrimmage by fanning her with his handkerchief. Elmer, who had noticed nothing out of the ordinary, was bowing, waving and smiling in triumphant response to his standing ovation.
    Bruno was also out on stage, trying to calm everybody down. “Elmer Drimsdale, ladies and gentlemen. Wasn’t that some act? Not quite what you expected, was it?”
    It was some time before people were back in their seats and the show could go on.
    Next on the agenda was the first of the comedy routines created by Bruno and so dreaded by Boots. While Bruno was indulging in easy patter with the audience about the superb quality of the acts to come, Boots crept onto the stage on all fours, studying the floor intently. Bruno pretended not to notice him until Boots bumped into his leg.
    Bruno: (looking down in disgust)
What are you doing out here? Can’t you see I’m trying to do a show?
    Boots
:
(still studying floor)
I’m looking for my contact lens. I lost it backstage.
    Bruno:
Well, if you lost it backstage, why are you looking for it out here?
    Boots:
Because the light is better out here.
    Boots crept off stage amid polite applause from the adults and cheers and jeers from the students.
    “Moving right along,” Bruno continued brightly, “we have our lovely singer, Janet Black, who will sing ‘This Land is Your Land,’ accompanying herself on the ukulele.” Leaving the stage to the singer, he stepped into the wings where an angry Boots was waiting.
    “Bruno, I am not going to make a fool of myself again! That was bad enough, but the other one is ‘the ugliest man in the world,’ and I just can’t stand it!”
    “Haven’t you got ears?” Bruno exclaimed. “They loved it! The whole show’s going over great!”
    “But Bruno —”
    “I’ll take complaints tomorrow,” Bruno told him.
    On stage, Janet Black was doing well. The audience was singing and clapping along with her, and when Mrs. Sturgeon snapped her picture, she didn’t even flinch. The song ended to thunderous applause.
    Next was the death-defying act of the Amazing Frederick. It was a show-stopper. Mr. Sturgeon fidgeted in his chair as he watched one of his students, to all intents and purposes, drowning himself. Finally, at about the two-and-a-half-minute mark in the submersion, a woman in the seventh row leaped