Gooney Bird and All Her Charms by Lois Lowry Read Free Book Online

president of the United States? And no men allowed?”
    â€œThat wouldn’t be fair! I want to be president when I grow up!” Barry said huffily.
    â€œI might, also,” Gooney Bird commented. “I haven’t decided yet.”
    â€œI’d like to be
king
,” Malcolm said.
    â€œGood luck with that, Malcolm,” Mrs. Pidgeon said. “Anyway: males and females are considered equal in this country. They have equal opportunities.”
    â€œSo? What’s wrong with our plan for Napoleon? What’s sexist?” Ben asked. Then he thought for a moment. “Oh,” he said. “I get it.”
    The other boys all got it too. “Oh,” they said, one after another. “No girls would get to see him.”
    â€œYeah,” Barry said, in a disappointed voice. “It wouldn’t be fair. We need to think of something
fair
.”
    â€œAnd,” Gooney Bird pointed out, “it should demonstrate another body system. We did his brain. And we did digestion. Remember what we learned about next?” She lifted one arm.
    Today she was wearing a short-sleeved white blouse and a man’s necktie. She bent her arm and posed like a strongman.
    â€œI find that humerus,” Felicia Ann said, and giggled. The other children groaned.
    â€œMuscles!” they all called.
    â€œRight. Let’s do his muscular system next. Doesn’t that make sense, Mrs. Pidgeon?”
    â€œIt does!” the teacher agreed. “And of course we know where we should take him to demonstrate his muscles!”
    â€œThe gym!”
    â€œRight. We’ll move him there at the end of the school day, so he’ll surprise everyone in the morning. Let’s review what we know about muscles so that we can plan to make our signs. Who wants to tell me where our muscles are located, and what they do? Ben?”
    â€œThey’re all over our skeleton, and they make our bones move,” Ben said.
    â€œTendons attach them to our bones,” Nicholas added.
    â€œAnd they’re stretchy, and rubbery!” Tricia said. “Like this!” She was holding a wide rubber band in both hands. She stretched it until her hands were far apart. “Ouch!” she said when the band snapped back.
    â€œRight,” Mrs. Pidgeon said. “Very stretchy. And they work in pairs. One muscle pulls and the other relaxes. So I can bend my arm, and then I can unbend it.” She held up her arm and all the children imitated her. Together they bent and unbent their arms. “Tighten, relax. Tighten, relax.
    â€œAnd please,” she added, “I don’t want to hear a single person say that they find this humerus!”
    Malcolm began to whisper it, but everyone said, “Shhh.” They were all tired of the humerus joke.
    â€œOh,
no!
” Barry said suddenly. He groaned, and put his head into his hands. Everyone was startled. They all looked at Barry. “I may throw up!” he wailed.
    Mrs. Pidgeon rushed the large wastebasket to Barry’s side. “Do you want to go to the nurse’s office? What’s wrong?”
    After a moment Barry looked up. “My grandma and grandpa came to visit us this weekend,” he said, “and we all went out to a fancy restaurant for dinner. My grandpa said we could have whatever we wanted. And he paid.”
    â€œWell, that’s nice,” Felicia Ann said. “I would get spaghetti.”
    â€œI’d get a cheeseburger,” Tyrone said.
    â€œLobster!” Chelsea announced. “It’s
very expensive!
”
    â€œI think I’d have caviar,” Gooney Bird announced. “I have never once had caviar. And I would wear a fur hat.”
    Barry looked stricken. He took a deep breath. Then he moaned, “I ate muscles.”
    â€œYuck!” the second-graders responded. “You ate
muscles?
”
    He nodded. “They were stretchy and rubbery,” he told them. “And remember we