Gooney Bird and All Her Charms by Lois Lowry Read Free Book Online Page B

said Mrs. Pidgeon after a moment. “Let’s leave it.”
    â€œGood!” Tyrone said. “Because I was already making up a rap. And it goes:
Hey
,
Napoleon, you know what? Your biggest muscle be right in your butt!
” He placed his hands on his own behind and wiggled his hips.
    â€œWe could do a whole show! We could do a show with raps about body parts! We could sell tickets! I bet we could make a lot of money!” Malcolm was dancing with excitement. “And it could be called, ah,
The Body Show
! Or maybe—”
    â€œI know! I know!” Chelsea called. We could call it—”
    She was interrupted by the ringing of a bell and the intercom announcement that it was time to line up for school buses.
    â€œYikes! We’d better go get our coats!” Barry said.
    The second-graders waved to Napoleon, smiling toothy grins at him, and hurried from the gym.

8
    Unfortunately Mrs. Pidgeon’s prediction had come true. By the time Napoleon had been in the gym for several days, Mrs. Gooch had telephoned Mr. Leroy six times to complain about what she called a “bad word.” She meant
butt
.
    On Thursday the second-graders crumpled up the sign that told about the largest muscle and threw it away.
    â€œWe could make another sign that says the name of that big muscle,” Tricia suggested.
    â€œWhat was it, Gooney Bird?”
    â€œ
Gluteus maximus
. It’s Latin,” Gooney Bird said.
    â€œWe could put that on his butt sign.”
    â€œOr,” Gooney Bird pointed out, “we could say Napoleon’s
derrière
. That’s French for ‘butt.’”
    â€œBut then Mrs. Gooch would say we were being un-American. She thinks everything is un-American,” Chelsea said.
    â€œLike what?” Malcolm asked. He found a wastebasket in the corner of the gym and tossed the crumpled sign into it.
    â€œSpaghetti,” Chelsea said.
    â€œ
Spaghetti?
That’s everybody’s favorite! How can it be un-American?”
    Chelsea shrugged. “It’s Italian. And also: french fries. She thinks we shouldn’t eat french fries because they’re French.”
    â€œSo she’d
really
object to
derrière
,” Mrs. Pidgeon said with a sigh. “And by the way, the real reason we shouldn’t eat french fries is because they’re very greasy.”
    Malcolm looked worried. “What about hot dogs? Are they American?”
    â€œGerman,” Mrs. Pidgeon told him. “
Frankfurters
. They originated in Germany.
    â€œI think ketchup is American, though,” she added.
    â€œYou know what?” Beanie said. “We could have told all about that when we did Napoleon’s digestive system. We could have said that he eats French food and German food—”
    â€œAnd Italian food—” Barry added.
    â€œAnd Japanese food—” Keiko said.
    â€œAnd ketchup—” Malcolm said.
    â€œYes! Because all of us have the same kind of insides,” Gooney Bird said. “It doesn’t matter what country we come from.”
    â€œWe’re all alike,” Felicia Ann said in her small voice, with a tiny smile.
    â€œSpeaking of Napoleon,” Mrs. Pidgeon pointed out, “it’s time to move him to his next location. Roll his stand over here. Barry and Nicholas, can you take his sneakers off very carefully? And, Ben, put the basketball over there in the corner with the others. We’ll have to dress him in a new outfit and make some new signs for . . . Who remembers?”
    Everyone did. “Respiratory System!” they shouted.
    They rolled Napoleon back to the second grade classroom and began to prepare him for his next demonstration. On Monday the skeleton would be going outside for the first time.
    The lion part of March—the very cold and blustery part—was ending. It was a little warmer, though there was still some old snow on the ground. Very small buds had appeared on