Gorilla Beach by Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi Read Free Book Online

friendly gesture?
    â€œAre you choking?” she asked, with a sharp whack between the shoulder blades.
    â€œI’m fine, thanks.”
    Gia said, “If you do choke, Bella knows the Heinielick maneuver.”
    â€œThe Heinielick?” said Bella, laughing. “It’s called Heimlich .”
    Oh, God. The visual—a tongue and a tush—flitted across Fredo’s brain. He reached for his water glass and nearly choked for real this time.
    â€œI gotta ask something else,” said Gia. “What’s with the cowboy stuff, the country music and western decor at your club? Where did you get that pony?”
    Fredo nodded. He could talk business. “You mean the mechanicalstallion? I hired a guy to modify a kiddie ride, like you see outside of Wal-Mart. It was originally a dinosaur.”
    â€œI humped a dinosaur,” said Gia. “Kewl.”
    â€œIt’s a very popular attraction at the Cowboy Club. There’s no other country-western-themed place in Seaside,” Fredo continued. “It’s always been my philosophy to find a hole and fill it.”
    The girls laughed again. “You and every other guy on the planet,” said Bella.
    â€œI mean …”
    â€œI get it,” said Gia. “But did you ever think there was no country-western club in Seaside for a reason? People hate that shit.”
    Fredo felt stung. He was proud of his club and was desperate for it to succeed. “Country happens to be extremely popular.”
    â€œMaybe in Wyoming,” said Bella.
    â€œIt’s not Jersey,” said Gia. “How many people do you know personally, your friends, who like it?”
    Fredo liked it. Anyone besides him? Well, he didn’t have many friends to sort through. Frowning, his mood took a turn for the worse. Gia was daffy, but in this case, she was 100 percent right. He suddenly felt crushed. Had his parents—and investors—known that his choice of theme wouldn’t play in Seaside? Dad probably did. Why not tell Fredo his real opinion?
    But Fredo knew why. His parents didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Given the relentless bullying he’d endured at school, his parents were overly protective. When he was a child, he needed the buffer. But now, he wanted advice, not protection. It occurred to Fredo that he needed more brutal honesty in his life. He was hungry for a triumph, but his instincts were a bit off. He was sure he could be a success if someone told him the unvarnished truth, no matter how harsh, about his ideas. Someone like Gia.
    The DJ spoke into the microphone again. “Your attention please! Now, for the first time as husband and wife—”
    â€œThe second time!” someone yelled. The room filled with titters.
    â€œThe second time as husband and wife,” corrected the DJ, “Stanley and Maria Crumbi!”
    The newlyweds swept onto the dance floor and took their bows. Stanley and Maria waited for the music to start for the traditional first dance. A song came on, and everyone started laughing.
    â€œWhat?” asked Fredo.
    Gia said, “It’s ‘Bad Romance’ by Lady Gaga.”
    That was pretty funny. Gia and Bella liked the song. They grinded in their seats. After a verse and a chorus, the dance floor filled up. Fredo’s cousin Cara and her boyfriend crossed right in front of their table. A few times, Cara glanced over at him. Or was she checking out Gia?
    â€œTell me about that skinny bitch,” said Gia.
    â€œMy cousin?”
    â€œShe a good kid, or a rancid bitch?”
    Anyone who knew their history wouldn’t fault Fredo for hating Cara. When they were kids, she filled Fredo’s soda with liquid soap. Cara once locked him in the basement and didn’t tell anyone where he was for a whole day. When Fredo was in junior high, she printed up and distributed FREDO IS GAY T-shirts to his enemies. If anyone deserved to be hated, it was Cara. But telling an