Grab (Letty Dobesh #3) by Blake Crouch Read Free Book Online

veered into a wall. He leaned against it. "It was a sign I was looking for."
    " What kind of sign?"
    "You ever feel like it's all stacked against you , Letty? Like you never had a chance against the house? I just thought that maybe if I bet on black and it hit on black it would mean that things would change. That a corner had been turned. That I didn't have to do what I now have to do."
    He grabbed her hands and turned them over.
    Exposed her wrists.
    Traced a finger down her scars.
    Suicide hickeys.
    "Must've taken great courage."
    "N o, not courage. Cowardice. What are you saying?"
    "What was your low point, Letty? I can't remember if we ever spoke of it in our sessions."
    " Let's get you to your room."
    Christian sunk down onto the floor.
    "Tell me. Please."
    " When the court took my son from me. Terminated my parental rights. Night of the ruling..." She held up her wrists. "Three bottles of Merlot and a straight razor."
    "My life is over," he said.
    "But it's still yours."
    "I don't want it."
    She eased down beside him.
    "It's like you're in this tunnel," she said. "It's dark, there's no light at the end, and you think it goes on forever." Christian looked up at her, tears reforming. "But if you keep putting one foot in front of the other—"
    "Even when it's total agony?"
    "Especially then. Then one day, you see a speck of light in the distance. And it slowly gets larger. And for the first time, you feel the sensation of moving toward something. Away from all the hurt and the pain and the crushing weight of the past."
    "What's it like when you finally emerge?"
    "Tell you when I get there."
    "You're still in your tunnel?"
    "Yeah."
    "What keeps you going?"
    She could feel herself becoming emotional. Tried to fight it down, but her throat ached with grief.
    "I know that when I finally come out into the light that my son will be waiting for me. I want to live to see that version of me."
    Christian said, "I have two hundred in cash in my wallet. My room is paid for through tonight. I don't know what happens after that. I don't know where to go. My practice is finished. I don't mean to sound dramatic, but I'm not sure what I'm living for. Why I would continue to breathe in and out."
    "For you."
    "For me?"
    "For the you that one day walks out of that tunnel." Letty stood. "Come on. Let's get you into bed."
    "I can't go back to that room and sit there alone in the dark."
    Go to meetings. Help others.
    "Tell you what," Letty said. "I missed breakfast. Let me take you to lunch. My treat."
    "You don't have to do this."
    "Actually, I do."

 
     
     
     
    13
     
     
    Letty changed out of her swimwear and met Christian downstairs.
    They walked north toward the tower at the end of the Strip.
    It must have been a hundred and ten degrees.
    Waves of h eat glowering off the sidewalks.
    The tourists waddling around sweating like disgraced prizefighters.
    They took the elevator to the top.
    Letty slid the hostess fifty dollars to put them at a window table. Insisted that Christian take the best seat.
    Waiting for their waitress to show, he looked like he might nod off right there at the table.
    "When's the last time you slept?" Letty asked.
    "I don't know. I think I've forgotten how."
    "Let me get you some help," she said. "Someone to talk to."
    "Psychobabble doesn't work on me. I know all the tricks."
    He stared out the window by their table, but she could tell that he didn't see a thing. The restaurant turned imperceptibly. At the moment, their view was west. Miles of glittering sprawl and development. Beyond the city, the desert climbed into a range of spruce-covered mountains.
    Letty checked her phone—no missed calls or texts.
    "I'm not keeping you, am I?" Christian asked.
    "Not at all."
    The waitress came.
    Letty ordered Christian a coffee.
    He reached into his wallet, pulled out two small photos, laid them on the table.
    "This is Angie, my wife. My daughter, Charlie."
    Letty lifted the photo of a thirteen or fourteen year old girl.