crisis. Wants to quit his job. Wants to buy a motorcycle and bike across America.
“Well …” Lynette’s voice was choked, strained. “He wants to involve someone. You know. In our … relationship.”
“You mean he wants to see a therapist? That’s not so ba—”
Lynette cut me off. “No, no. He wants to, you know.” Lynette looked tortured. “You know. It’s awful. He wants to, he wants
us to … swing. You know. Sex. With another … Lord help me … with another couple.”
I wanted to say, That’s what you’re simpering about?You want to hear awful? I’ll give you awful. How much time have you got? But what I said instead was, “Oh, Lynette. I can
see that you’re really upset about this. I’m so sorry.” She blew her nose hard and started crying again. “But I’m sure you
will get through this. Come on. You guys seem so happy together.”
Lynette rolled her eyes. “Curtis thinks I’m a loser in bed. Deadwood.”
“Did he actually say that?”
“No, but I can tell. He’s always turning up with these sex books. Always trying to get me into some weird position. I can’t
believe I’m telling you this. I feel so humiliated.”
I tried to tell Lynette that it’s okay to experiment with positions, and lots of people entertain wild fantasies. I suggested
that Curtis might drop the swinging idea if she were more open to exploring new techniques in bed.
“Yeah, like the princess and donkey idea? Or the priest and the cheerleader?”
“What?” I asked her.
“Those are just a few of Curtis’s sexual fantasies. I could list more, believe me. The aristocrat and the trollop. The cow
and the milkmaid. He’s got dozens of them.”
“Okay. Well, would it kill you to play along?”
“Yes, actually.” Lynette looked at me directly. “It would. And it would kill my love for him.”
“How serious is he about hooking up with another couple?” I asked.
“Very serious. They’re coming tonight. For drinks after dinner. To meet us.”
Apparently, Curtis had done his research. He found a couple through the “alternative lifestyle” section in the classified
ads. They are nonsmokers, free of sexually transmitted diseases, and relatively new to the swinging lifestyle. They stated
in their ad that they wanted to have “safe and gentle fun with a sexually adventurous couple.”
“Can you imagine?” She was crying again. “How could he do this to me? I don’t understand it. I thought we had a good marriage.”
She pulled another tissue from the calico case. Her nose was raw.
“Lynette. Just tell him to forget it. Call him at work right now. Tell him to cancel. This is crazy. He’s got to have more
respect for you than that. You’re his wife.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because I already agreed to it. Just to shut him up. He’s been nagging me to do this for over a year. I figured, he’ll meet
them and realize what a sick idea this is, and it will be over and we can go back to being normal.” She wiped her eyes.
“Valerie, I want you to do me a favor.”
“Anything, Lynette.”
“I want you to be there. Tonight.”
’Til next time,
V
June 9, later
I dug out the old baby monitor and set it up on Pete’s nightstand, leaving him with clear instructions to call out immediately
if he needed me. I got him settled down for the night and walked over to Lynette’s. Even though Lynette’s house is just a
few feet from mine, it felt odd and disorienting to leave him home alone, but I didn’t think I’d be gone more than a half
hour or so, and I wasn’t.
Lynette’s husband looked mortified when he saw me at the door. He obviously wasn’t expecting me. He started to say something
but Lynette jumped in. “Oh, Valerie, what a surprise. Come on in!”
Curtis glared at his wife. “Honey, our guests will be here any minute.”
“I’d like Val to stay,” Lynette said, glaring back at him. “Just for a few minutes.” Curtis
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