Heâs doing chin-ups on a raised bar. Heâs so light and wiry he makes it look easy.
âWhere you been?â he says, dropping like a cat to the ground.
âLonger run,â I lie.
I pull up my strength program on my phone and start with squats, threading a leather belt around my middle. Adam helps me lift the heavy plates onto the ends of the bar. I stand with both feet apart, keeping my back straight. My legs shake as I take the weight off and bend my knees, letting my muscles take the load. I do a few more reps than I would normally, thinking about Sam and our conversation.
âAre you okay, Leni? Youâre so quiet today,â Adam says as I shake out my thighs.
âIâm worried about Cris,â I say.
Adam touches my cheek and looks at me with a tenderness that makes me uncomfortable.
âHeâll be okay.â
How could I tell him I was going over my conversation with Sam in my head. Wishing it had gone another direction. Imagining I had said something different than the stupid comment about impressing the coaches. I could have said: âWhy do you do all those ergos? Because you canât not do them? Because something inside you says you have to? That not doing them makes you feel like youâre missing a piece?â
And he would have nodded and said, âThatâs exactly it. You really get me.â
Cristian
Leni barges into my room after her afternoon row, peppering me with questions. Iâve called in sick to Patto. He had a go at me and told me to pull my head in and get back down to the river. âNo time for sulking in rowing. Iâve been dropped from more crews than I can count. Weâll do land training tonight but Iâll expect to see you tomorrow morning, otherwise youâre wasting everyoneâs time.â
âYes, sir,â I said in a dead voice, hanging up my phone.
Iâve done nothing but sit around, eat, watch TV and sleep. I feel sluggish and bloated. The only high point was getting a text from Penny saying she was thinking of me. I keep opening it and looking at it. It has a heart emoticon.
âWhatâs going on? Why is Sam Cam rowing in your seat?â asks Leni.
I put my hands up in surrender. âRelax, take a load off.â
Leni flops into a beanbag, breathless.
âUntil I drop the weight and improve my fitness Iâm rowing in the seconds.â
âWhat are they thinking? Youâre the best rower in the squad.â
âI dunno about that. Sam beat me by a mile this morning. Even if I didnât fall in, I wouldnât have won.â
âEveryoneâs taken a swim in the Yarra. Itâs a rite of passage.â
âYou havenât.â
âThereâs still time.â
Dad storms down the hall and comes in without knocking.
âHave you been dropped to seconds?â he shouts.
âDad, calm down!â I say.
âThis crazy! Cristian, one day you row for Romania ⦠Australia. Whichever country you choose. Youâre out because why?â
âBecause too fat and too unfit,â I say, feeling overwhelmed. âThey want me to drop 15 kilos. How am I going to lose 15 kay-gees?â I ask him, deadly serious. The coachâs scare tactic has worked. Iâm terrified I canât do it.
Dad calms down and sits on my bed.
âWhen I was a young man, like you, I would eat, eat, eat. Eating all the time. My mother was always feeding me. Stews, cakes, bread. So I got fat.â
He puffs out his cheeks to illustrate. âI not make youth team for European Cup if I donât lose weight. I liked watermelon, so I ate watermelon. For three months. I get skinny. Made crew. Won championship. I never eat watermelon again.â
âYou ate only watermelon, every day, for months?â I ask. Some of Dadâs stories have to be made up.
âYes. Thatâs what I say.â
âNo offence, but nutrition has changed a bit since the olden