Horrible Harry and the Kickball Wedding by Suzy Kline Read Free Book Online

So Why Don’t You Marry It?

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    H arry sits next to me in Room 2B. He looks like any other second grader except for one thing. Harry loves to do horrible things.
    The week before Valentine’s Day, I didn’t think anything too horrible could happen.
    But it did.
    Harry and I were looking at his new library book, The Bug Hall of Fame. Song Lee was looking at it too. “See that giant water bug?” she said. “When I live in Korea, I see one eat a fish.”
    â€œNo fooling?” Harry flashed his white teeth at Song Lee. He’s had a crush on her ever since she brought in a potato beetle for show-and-tell in kindergarten.
    â€œHey, Doug,” Harry said.
    â€œYeah?” I replied.
    â€œLook! Here’s a picture of a stinkbug.”
    â€œEeyew, neat-o!” I said.
    Then he turned the page. “And a KISSING BUG!”
    Just as I made a face, Mary appeared. She had a pile of bright red valentines in her hand. “Ohhhhhhh! Did you say BUGS KISS?”
    Ida joined the conversation. “We know they do, Mary. Remember when we had our ant farm? Ants kiss every time they pass food.”

    Harry lowered his bushy eyebrows. “Ants are not bugs—they’re insects. We’re talking about bugs.”
    â€œWell,” Mary snapped. “They’re romantic, whatever they are!”
    Suddenly, Sidney peered over her shoulder. “If you love ants so much, why don’t you marry one?”
    â€œSIDNEY!” Mary shouted. “That’s dumb! You can’t marry an ant.”
    The rest of us tried not to laugh, but it was hard. Sidney’s joke was so stupid, it was funny.
    When the bell rang, everyone returned to their seats. Except Mary. She was still passing out her valentines.
    â€œMary,” the teacher said. “It’s too early to pass those out. Please collect them.”
    Mary made a long face. “Yes, Miss Mackle.”
    â€œBoys and girls, we will pass out valentines on Thursday, when it’s Valentine’s Day. We will also have a party and a special Valentine’s Day square dance.”
    Everyone cheered.
    â€œIf you can wear something with a touch of red or white in it, that would be fun,” the teacher added.
    â€œI know what I’m wearing,” Harry blurted out. “My black-widow sweat-shirt !”
    â€œYou’re supposed to wear Valentine colors,” Mary grumbled.
    â€œI am!” Harry replied. “A black widow has a touch of red. Heh! Heh! The deadly red hourglass.”

    â€œEeeeeeyew!” Mary groaned.
    â€œThe black widow is poisonous,” Ida said.
    Miss Mackle just smiled.
    Later, when we were standing in the lunch line, everyone was talking about what they would wear for Valentine’s day. But not Harry and me. We were too busy taking deep whiffs.
    â€œMmmmmmm. It’s hot dog day!” Harry said. “I love hot dogs!”
    Sidney made his eyebrows go up and down. “So ... why don’t you marry one?”
    This time the joke was on Harry and he didn’t like it.
    All through lunch he glared at Sidney. We knew that the hot dogs weren’t the only things steaming. Harry was, too!
    After lunch, our class went outside for recess. Some of us started up a kickball game. Harry raced for the pitcher’s mound.
    â€œI GET TO BE PITCHER!” he shouted.
    Dexter ran for the plate.
    â€œI’M UP FIRST!” he called. Then he pushed his hair back with his fingers. Ever since January when he transferred into our class, Dexter’s been the king of kickball.
    â€œI’m FIRST BASE!” Ida yelled.
    â€œI’m SECOND!” I shouted.
    After everyone took a position, Harry said, “What do you want, Dex? My slime ball ... slow and smooth over the plate? Or my new specialty ... the cyclone ball?”
    Dexter rubbed his hands together.
    â€œGimme the cyclone!” he said as he kicked the air twice with his big blue